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Who me - edit?
2004-09-28, 11:08 p.m.

Day 37 Wrote the first part of this at work, with the previous 2 entries saved & ready to go at home.

I do have entries written, promise.

Yeah, so I have a couple of back entries to get posted. Sort of highlight all the fun I had over the weekend. Was almost ready to past them last night, but things got kinda tight timing wise. Yes, it was past my bedtime, and I really needed my beauty rest. I can be such an ogre in the morning.

Man, I'd love to have a cigarette right now. Getting so stressed over the wiff, work, why I'm struggling at bowling, what are we having for dinner - all sorts of crap. Big stuff, little stuff, stuff that really shouldn't matter at all.

Just busted open my bag of trail mix - Sam's Choice Mountain variety. That's like a bag of crack sitting in my desk, but I'd rather have a handful or three of that than light up a smoke. Which I'd have to go bum from someone - and I hate doing that. Another few minutes I'll have myself talked through this latest urge. Then I can go obsess about something work related for a few hours. Which would be good, cuz I am getting paid to do that right about now, not type up an entry. Although, if it keeps me from smoking, it'll be worth it - and I can kinda sorta justify it with a few levels of bosses, especially those that have known me for like 15 - 20 years now.

Mmmmm, more trail mix. I'm going to ruin lunch at this rate. Well, the sys admin guy ought to be here soon to straighten out my other system (&^@#%$ Unix based app). Wish I was more Unix friendly.

I'll post up the rest of the weekend fiascos tonight.

So the earlier posts are done. Funny how you edit them after having time to sit and ponder on them for a bit. Time seems to dull the edges of the emotions, things are less keen, not so strident. You go back and take some of the edges off what was written. Being as this is a record more for myself - why do that? Shouldn't I leave the words just as they fell out of my head - trying to convey what was being felt at the time? Am I doing any kind of injustice by going back and tempering the words? Because there is no going back again to return things to how they were. That path is lost the moment the original words are changed. Then again, if there is a particularly joyous moment - maybe I'd not be tempted to edit that - maybe I wouldn't need to. However, a moment like the passing of a parent - how could you ever forget what that felt like? Is there even a need to record that which hits so hard it leaves an indelible impression - even in my thick skull? (Geeze Dad, coming up on eleven years now. Just know you've been missed.)

Then there's all the crap that comes in between. All the mundane trappings that make up the bulk of our lives. Do we get so impassioned about some of the dull, drab, details of everyday life just to fuel the impression that it matters? To whom? And why?

Ok - so no more editing after the initial save of a thought or story. Time to go get my beauty rest again. That last session didn't seem to take very well.

37 days down - thank Walmart for trail mix.


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old habits - new tricks