2005-05-09, 4:35 p.m.
Day 260 Both kids in one weekend!!
Rare treat for this time of year. Got to see both kids in one weekend. E was in town with 4 of his friends for that Ultimate Frisbee tournament. That batch of chili I made didn't kill anyone, so I suppose that's good. Got to go to Geneseo and watch some of the Ultimate Frisbee. Interesting game. Wish I could have joined them.
We were expecting the E and his buds to come back to the house after, so we bugged out early to get ribs & fixin's for a nice BBQ dinner. As we were leaving Sam's Club, E called and told us they had to play more games than they thought, so would be heading straight back to school and passing up dinner. It is finals week coming up, and some of the guys had to work Sunday. That was actually a bit of a relief because we were pressed for time in getting the ribs done. Doing them right takes at least 6 hours, and I hadn't even got them cut down or put the rub on them when E called. Saved some of the ribs for C and I to have Sunday instead.
Sunday we got the big surprise. Z was at his girlfriends house for her Dad's 50th birthday party (such an old fart, really. I'm only 46, geeze.) J had to work back here at the home base Sunday, so Z thought he'd be nice and spend the day with us. We scrambled a bit to get more ribs ready for smoking, but after that, Z and I accomplished a ton of yard work. Patio furniture is all out, fish pond is cleaned up & habitable again, garage is semi-clean.
Seeing as it was a Sunday, and Mothers Day no less, C thought she'd spend the day drinking. Again. She just turns into such an ass when she drinks. She tries to insist we do things her way, gets in the way, slows things down, and generally doesn't have a clue what's going on anyhow because her brain is 3 steps behind reality. Consequently, Z and I ended up leaving her in the dust and got our work done in spite of her help.
At one point, while we were finishing up sweeping the garage, C came out the door from the familr room into the garage. There are 2 steps down into the garage. The patch of rug on the first step slid a bit, (as it's been known to do every now and again over the last 12 years) and she caught herself a little clumsily. Didn't fall, but she put a whupping on her left knee. Looks to have strained the ligaments on the inside (medial aspect) of her knee. Today she can barely walk. Don't know how she drove her car, had to have been fun pushing the clutch in & out. I offered the van this morning (an enabling move I'm learning), but she stubbornly refused.
I'd feel sorry for her, but she's building up quite a repertoire of spills & thrills. Some of them I've mentioned here before. It's funny, but when she's sober - no problem navigating or maneuvering. When she's had a few (or more), this year alone she's logged 2 trips down the basement stairs, one trip UP the basement stairs, 3 separate falls going out to the garage (usually to smoke too)
So far, the only damage she's done is to break a table leg, put a rather large dent in a wall, break a case of canning jars, put a knot on her head and now, twist a knee. This year. I really worry about her getting in her car and trying to go someplace. She may run out of ginger ale or cigarettes or heaven forbid the whiskey be gone and she might decide she can navigate well enough to go get some herself. I fear her getting in an accident and hurting herself, or worse, someone else. What would be the cost of putting THAT mess back together?
Now, I've been reading this little pamphlet called "Alcoholism, a Merry-Go-Round of Denial". This is pretty much a Cliff's Notes on a 3 act play first done in 1968 at the 2ND Annual Workshop of the Connecticut Al-Anon Groups (whew!). I'm only stealing glimpses of it here at work while my computer is crunching simulations, but it's reinforcing everything Alison said in a recent note. It is also making it apparent that it will take a cast of several, maybe a dozen, to effect any kind of recovery. It goes on to say that if other cast members do not also change their behaviors (bosses, co-workers, other victims, other family members), and the spouse is the only person to change their role, any recovery may take 2 or 3 YEARS longer to effect.
I had no idea. This little pamphlet also adds: "It is not true that an alcoholic cannot be helped until s/he wants help. It IS true that there is almost no chance that the alcoholic will stop drinking as long as other people remove all the painful consequences for him/her."
I'm thinking a knot on the head or a twisted knee is the least of the consequences either of us will have to worry about. I think I also have to be able to separate consequences of being drunk from the usual run of the mill "Shit happens" kind of thing. Like the twisted knee yesterday. Was drinking a factor? She was definitely drunk, but slipping on that patch of carpet is possible no matter your blood alcohol level. Personally, I've never done it at THAT exact spot. I've found different things to trip over - some apparently invisible.
I guess it's back to the Thursday meetings for me. I'll be glad to switch my workouts back to the mornings, hope that C does hers in the afternoons. That'll make attending a little easier. Till Bowling starts in the fall. By then, maybe I can locate a meeting to attend on another night.
It was nice to see the kids this weekend. It was, however only a precursor. This week, I get to help both of them move home from college for the summer. That includes Z's girlfriend J. Whole 'nother entry there. Also next week C's dad will be arriving for his summer-long visit. What was a nice quiet household of 2 will balloon to 6 in under a week. This could be a good thing. More actors to learn new roles. Maybe I can get them to attend a meeting or two as well.
260 days down. Quitting smoking seems pretty easy compared to the rest of this stuff.
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