2005-05-27, 4:23 p.m.
Day 278 Quicker Than the Last One
Well, last night didnít turn out as dire as I had predicted. Guess thatís good. Wonder if itís all related to a clinical depression? Worth consideration. Next week is the 2 year anniversary of Cís mothers passing. That hit C pretty hard. Now, with her Dad here for the summer, knowing the mental condition heís in and what his outlook is Ė Oy. Plus, this is an extremely busy time of year for her at work. Awards banquets, graduation preparation, all the stuff to do with the end of another school year.
Guess all that can wear on a person. I could try to talk with her about things, give her a bit of a sounding board, but sheís spurned my attempts at that in the past. Problem is, we (she) spend(s) hours going over every stinking detail multiple times. She likes to agonize over every detail, agonize over making a decision, finally make a decision, then second guess her own decision continually. I canít get her to analyze a situation, decide on the best path and commit. Then, move on to the next thing, without going back and rehashing the whole thought process again & again & again.
Itís that going back and second guessing that really gets to me. I start to get frustrated, she gets frustrated at me getting flustered and the whole thing breaks down. All of a sudden itís ďyouíre not interestedĒ or ďyou donít careĒ, ignoring the fact we went through x number of hours just to get to the point we were at. Iím tired of that dance.
Some days itís hard to tell if her funk is fueled by alcohol or if her desire for alcohol is driven by the funk. Either way, itís a lazy spiral to the bottom, where ever that is.
Have to look around for another Al Anon group to visit. The one I liked at 5:30 is kinda out of bounds at the moment. Weíre dealing with trying to get 4 people to work in only 3 vehicles. Some how, I am the one that gets dropped off at work by son #2 (E) and picked up at the end of the day by son #1 (Z). That makes it rather difficult for me to trot out to that Al-Anon meeting. Even though Z knows Iíve gone to at least one. Maybe I can work out some sort of alternating week deal. Get C to go vehicle-less for a week too. Timing isnít any different, and sharing is supposed to be good. If I canít get the vehicle situation fixed, Iíll have to go to a later session on Monday or Tuesday I suppose. That may also force my hand in admitting where Iím going. That could be a fun one.
Yeah. Weíll see about that.
On another note, Iím bummed. No softball this year. Organization running our league, well our ex-league royally screwed us this year. For some reason, they decided to combine two leagues with a total of 16 teams into a single 16 team league. The fact that they notified our manager about this decision a week before their commit date and the fact that weíve been in that particular league for 20 years (waaaaaayy longer than that organization had been running it) held no sway. We were not among the first 8 teams to commit, so we were shut out. They offered 2 other nights, but we played on Thursdays because we all had Thursdays free Ė not Monday or Tuesday. So this will be the first year I havenít played softball in just about 30 years. Maybe Iíll get back to golf next year. Thatíd be fun.
Did manage to trap another woodchuck. Thatís 3 this spring and 6 overall. I have no clue where theyíre all coming from. Iím just trying to keep them out of my veggies. Z saw another one yesterday, weíll be laying an ambush out for that one soon too.
Thatís all for now. Thanks for the kind notes. They help, really. Time to go enjoy the weekend.
278 days down. Weekend coming up.
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