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Entry Lite
2006-08-10, 2:03 p.m.

Day 718 Entry Lite

Did no better at getting my butt moving this morning. Even had my gym bag 90% prepped last night. All I had to do was add water. Hang up is spending too much time woth the newspaper over breakfast. Unfortunately, thatís the only real time available to read it. Yeah Ė so old fashioned Ė actually reading a newspaper. Might have got to the Y later than Iíd like this morning, but I did get in one helluva cardio session.

Seem to have lost the proper focus regarding what Iím supposed to be learning at Al Anon. Need to back up, quit worrying about external things and try getting my own head straight. So hard to just let go. Hate the thought of not having any influence. Ironic thing is, I never DID have any influence, itís just that lately that fact has been pointed out to me. Bitter pill to swallow. Thanks for the slap upside the head Alison.

In an effort to refocus, Iíll be stealing some time this afternoon to read and ruminate. If my boss comes in, fine. Iíll trot him off to one of our little private meeting rooms and catch him up on the true story of my life. Poor guy. He better hope he doesnít spy my little tracts.

Speaking of poor guys, filled Zach in on what happened in May with Cindyís melt down and all. I thought she at least told the kids some cockamamie story, but it turns out she never told them even a little white lie about it. So now Zach knows. Iím sure that both Eric & Jill will be fully informed within hours. Never told Zach not to share. That may come back to bite me. Something about violating a trust by revealing information. Way I see it is kids have a need to know just what theyíre living with, especially since itís affecting them directly at the moment.

Last night was just another in a string of the same old shit. Even the kids are getting more vocal in voicing their disgust. Theyíre pretty tired of coming home from work to find a mother that canít even speak without slurring and bumbling about. Thatís why I filled Zach in on Mayís real events Ė give him a little taste of just how nasty it really is. Zís a pretty even keeled kid though, Eric is the one that really takes exception to things. Iíll have to make sure he gets the full blown version of the melt down soon, just for perspective.

Meeting tonight. Need to find something positive to share. THATís going to take some ruminating.

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 187 on 8/7/06 (one bad, bad, very bad weekend)
Next weigh in: 8/14/06

New target Ė 8/22/06 to be at 180 (right)

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marnís Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 8/10/06: 640.02
Miles with cool down: 703.67
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 60+ miles biking so far.



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old habits - new tricks