Film at 11
2006-10-09, 9:17 a.m.

Day 778 Film at 11

Wanted to get this posted yesterday (Day 777 � such a cool number) but events conspired against me. Plus, my butt was so sore from bike riding, it was hard to sit in the chair in front of the computer and type.

Fecal debris may have a big date with the rotating blades. It�s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Seems my little bike ride Sunday (round tripper to Churchville, NY, 22.03 miles, 79 minutes, nice rolling hills) caused a bit of a stink.

That, or it was the usual 2 hour Saturday morning sweat fest followed by a less usual 4 hours at work. A certain someone was all �do you have any idea where your father is� to poor, unsuspecting son #2. Eric suggested she call my cell phone. She couldn�t be bothered. Good thing I didn�t spring surprise tickets to a play on her yesterday afternoon. By the time I got home at 1:30 she was 3 sheets. Spent the afternoon & evening sleeping it off.

I did a bad thing too. I could tell just by looking at her when I got home Saturday that she was schnockered. She started in on me about not letting her know where I was, yada, yada, yada. That was a cheap passive aggressive manipulation on my part, wholly avoidable. Except that Cindy has been extremely uncommunicative with me for the last 2 weeks or so. That�s where the passive aggressive thing comes in � giving her a little of her own medicine. That was bad enough, but the really bad thing was my reply to her haranguing � �Why, what�d I miss, your first 4 drinks?� Sarcasm & passive aggressive all at once. Is that sarcasmagressive? That one line started a mini ice-age. Cindy didn�t say a word to me the rest of the day. Of course, she was unconscious for most of the next 10 hours, and alert for non of them. Would have been like arguing with a 2 year old. About as productive too.

Spent the entire day Sunday with an elephant in the room. In the house. ON the house. Palpable tension. We talk in little fits & starts. I try to get her to see what she�s doing/done, but her denial is strong. At the same time, I am trying hard to avoid making it be her fault. But she has a knack for assuming guilt for anything � whether it�s her fault or not. Between her thinking everything is her fault anyhow and my struggling to find the right way to communicate how I feel without placing blame, it�s going to take a while to work through this. Also trying very hard to not totally blow my top. That�s when the really focused, cut to the bone comments fly, and I don�t want to go there. Have to keep reminding myself � it�s not her fault, she has a disease. The disease makes her want to drink. I just have to stay clear and let her figure out if/when she wants to stop.

Before I go too far, I want to talk to someone at the Al Anon meeting tomorrow night. She had a good suggestion for how to approach the position we�re in now. I still (STILL) need to tell Cindy I�m going to Al Anon. I will soon run out of convenient timing gaps and will have to leave for a meeting while she�s home. My Al Anon friend had an approach for �the talk� that shifted the blame to me. It somehow made it out that the problem wasn�t Cindy�s drinking, but the way I was dealing with it. For the life of me, I can�t remember how on earth it was phrased.

Should there be a burning desire on Cindy�s part to air things out tonight, I will gladly engage in the discussion. However, I�d rather wait until I have a chance to review that nifty little approach angle again. Hmmm, perhaps this person also has some sponsor potential.

Anyhow. Nice workout Saturday. Might have to change up aerobics a bit. Used to be a struggle to complete an hour. Then, an hour was a comfortable workout. Now, I finish aerobics and seriously consider hopping on a treadmill and running for 30 minutes. As it is, I go over and hit up the Nautilus gear and do an hour of lifting. But I still feel fresh enough to run for a bit. Thinking it might be time to be a big boy and raise the step to the top level. That will hopefully put the sweat back into step aerobics.

Mowed the lawn Sunday, forgot to engage the self-propelled thingy when I did the back yard, so it was a wee bit more work than usual. Bike ride Sunday was gorgeous. Perfect temps (maybe 70?) very slight breeze, crisp, clear air. Did a nice trip out to Churchville & back, covered 22 miles in an hour and nineteen minutes. Been a while since I rode, so my butt muscles are still complaining a bit. Made it rather hard to sit last night too, especially on hard chairs. Did some nice glute stretches last night, helped a bit. At least I can sit today.

No workout this morning � see the note about tender glutes above. Plus I need someone to see that I don�t exercise EVERY day. (Cripes, I�m paying for a freakin FAMILY membership at the Y, SOMEONE has to use it.)

Went in to work Saturday because I have a major S/W drop due today and I needed to gain a little ground. Now I spend my time doing this. Super. Better go be productive. Also need to figure out how to say �it�s not your drinking that�s the problem, it�s how I�m handling it that is� and make it sound sincere. Damnit Pat, wonder if I can give you a buzz tonight?

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 185 on 10/7/06
Next weigh in: 10/14/06

New target � Aim is 180, by Halloween. Getting tougher all the time

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marn�s Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 10/4/06: 795.02 (on target so far)
Miles with cool down: 868.56
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 183 miles biking so far. (183.03 for you choosy mothers)

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