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Arctic Boundaries
2007-03-01, 9:45 a.m.

Day 921

First, a nomination for the 2007 Mother of the Year award.

If you didn’t click that, it was a reference to an article about a Pueblo, Colorado woman who sold her 5 month old son as a down payment on a 2000 Dodge Intrepid. A $500 down payment. Holeee cow. The act speaks for itself. My kids are significantly older. Think I can get enough for them to pay off all the freakin college loans I’ve incurred over the last 5 years? Ya, didn’t think so. Especially now that Alison is all preggers & engaged. Can’t even entertain thoughts of renting my guys to her for a weekend anymore. For chores people, for chores.

In other news, there is none. Well, mostly none. The Buffalo Sabres made some trades to bolster their injury depleted line up. Their Best Record in the NHL injury depleted line up. Which is good news to Rochester hockey fans. Rochester’s club is the top farm team for Buffalo. All those injuries in Buffalo have led to call ups that have seriously depleted our roster. Now, I’m happy for the kids here in Rochester to get the chance to play in the bigs, but it really hurts the local product, ya know? We’re left with calling up guys from the next league down, and some of them aren’t quite ready for the ‘not quite prime time’ yet. And it shows. So we’re hoping some of these trades will have a trickle down effect and strengthen the home roster some.

By the way, the “trickle down” economic theory was just Reagan’s polite way of saying “piss on ‘em” with regards to the middle class and how to reduce their tax burden. Not that it’s relevant anymore, I’m just saying . . .

Cindy was no doubt hoping that her stellar non-drinking performance from Monday thru last night might somehow inspire me to not go to that Al Anon meeting. She even managed to come up with a little kitchen task or two right at the last minute. Don’t know if it was an effort to make me run late enough to not want to go, or just coincidence. I’ll believe it was coincidence. Besides, I just drove a little faster anyhow. It’s just over a 10 mile trip, better than 9 miles is expressway. It’s just that last mile is within village limits, and the Ogden Police are rather active. Still, made it in roughly 10 minutes, even counting the 30 (35) mph stretch through the village. Glad it wasn’t snowing for a change.

Everyone in the house is aware that I go. Everyone knows why I go. Even Cindy knows that a week or 2 or 3 of sobriety is not enough to deter me. I told her so only a week or two ago. But she may have been a little foggy headed at the time, so I don’t know for sure that it stuck. I know Pam is a big proponent of the “argue (discuss important shit) with them when they’re sober” school, but that isn’t always an option. I mean, I’d like to be able to always pick my battles like that, but sometimes things come up that just need to be dealt with pronto. So you dive in and maybe get less than desirable results – like someone not remembering that a day, a week, a month of not drinking wont keep me from going to Al Anon. Because really, once you get past the alcoholic part, there’s so much more to it. I don’t know that I can ever get Cindy to see that. Not next week at for sure, but maybe by next year. (Glad it’s only February)

So. Arctic Boundaries. Last night, upon arriving home from my usual Tuesday night gab fest with the ladies I noticed a certain chill. Yes, I’m still the only male in attendance, and the ladies are all 10+ years my senior, except for two that don’t attend all that regularly. So I get home. Everybody is down in the family room (all 3 of them) watching American Idol, toggling back to the Sabres game for score updates on commercials. It’s a truce we’ve worked out. Sucks for the continuity of the hockey viewing, but spares the continuity of marriages. Boy – am I having trouble getting to the point, or what? Hold on – I need a coffee refill now too.

Ok – all decaffeinated again. So yeah – you remember that movie from the Narnia Chronicles? Remember the White Witch? How she could basically freeze people by staring at them funny? (or was there finger pointing involved, or a scepter?) Well, I got the cold, icy stares Tuesday night, combined with the arctically cold shoulder. I coulda been one of the White Witches “statues”. Felt like she was projecting this artificial boundary 3 or 4 feet out from her body. Almost tangible. It’s like she’s thinking “I haven’t had a drink for a day and a half – he hasn’t SEEN me drink in almost a week, WTF is he going THERE for?” Which goes back to the last time we had one of those “little talks” – she was apparently less than receptive. She’s probably also wondering how I dared to go after Monday mornings (ahem) work out session substitution, like THAT was going to change my mind. Woman’s got me trained like a camel – I can go for months (years even) with out a sip – she thinks I’m worried about her holding out some more? Hah.

Know what really sucks? The whole time I was at the meeting, I kept going back to thinking about how pissed Cindy was going to be when I got back. Know what sucks more? I never vocalized that problem at the meeting. Hard to get help that way, isn’t it? That was a rhetorical question mostly, don’t bother answering.

Did manage to make it to spinning class Wednesday morning, on time even. 0530 hours, in the saddle, peddling for all I was worth. Patty did another fun class this morning. She’s all about the pace. Like to kill you with the speed she goes. Finally gave in and figured that I could use a little less resistance and try to maintain her pace. Besides, who knows what resistance other folks are using? It’s not like there’s a big display in the front of the room that says so and so is slacking off now.

I have just one suggestion for Patty – wear a bra. Please. Patty isn’t a big girl, but the rather tight tank top she was wearing didn’t do much to conceal her assets. Made it rather difficult to keep ones mind on the task at hand, especially when one is stuck on a bike at the front of the class.

Snuck in the usual weight training too. Tacked on an extra 5 lbs to many of them – at least those that were actually getting easy to finish. I read somewhere that you should barely be able to complete your last repetition, so I tend to put the weight settings up a bit, in order to nearly fail on that last rep. Does it matter? I have no clue. But it feels good.

Sliding on into Thursday now. Emailed this home to myself in the hopes that I’d finish there and get this posted, but life interfered. Figures.

Meant to get to the local Fleet Feet store and get some info on this Learn to Run program they have. Idea being that I’d learn to run farther & faster. Well, work kinda interfered with that plan. There are two informational sessions left, one on a bowling night, one on an Al Anon meeting night. The info session times don’t clash directly with the meeting, so maybe it’ll fit.

The arctic boundaries established Tuesday evening melted some through the course of Wednesday evening. Well, they melted right up to the point where Cindy perceived some insult to her person and stormed off to bed. I think I know what set her off, but I don’t understand why. Here’s the scene:

We were watching American Idol (Jill holds the family room TV hostage while it’s on). They were in between contestants and we were talking about singing styles and what trainers have their students do to affect how their voices sound. There was mention of some technique to make one sound less nasal. Then Cindy brought up something about Nashville Star and I snuck in a little aside about THAT being all nasal and BANG! She was gone. Gave me a dirty look, sputtered a bit and left, banging doors all the way. Didn’t put any holes in them, but we could tell they were being closed. Firmly. Talk about thin skinned.

Maybe I overstepped my bounds by offering up an opinion as an aside like that. But I still think her reaction was out of proportion to the event. I’m not even sure I (or anyone else) did anything worth apologizing for. I think another one of those “talks” I so enjoy is due. Again. Kids going to a car show this weekend, maybe we’ll can sneak it in. Kinda depends on her state of mind (or sobriety) at the time.

Is it controlling if I try to behave, be supportive, positive, avoid taking the bait and ignore the little jabs and darts in the hopes that she’ll notice and maybe not drink as much? I think maybe it is, as soon as I attach expectations of her behavior to my own actions. Somehow, I have to do what I need to do without expecting anything in return. I have to do what’s right and accept whatever reaction comes out of it. Such a challenge.

Big congratulations to Circe for a very successful first day at a new job assignment. Our intrepid non-Texan had some doubts about her ability to pull this new gig off. Instead, she rose to the occasion and performed like we all knew she could – cool, calm & collected – because she knows her stuff. Way to go Circe.

With that I ought to get this posted and get my butt working. Bowling tonight, only 4 weeks left. Hope skipping weights this morning pays off in better scores tonight. Didn’t last week. Man, I need to get moving on that meditation book. Pronto.



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old habits - new tricks