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Lets See Where This One Goes
2007-07-31, 3:07 p.m.

Day 1073

It one of those ďI shot an arrow into the air, where it lands I do not careĒ deals.

First bit oínews: Saturday evening, I saw another woodchuck out behind my apple trees, munching on the clover or wild violets back there. Thinking of protecting my green beans, which are slowly recovering from the pruning the deer gave them, I spooked Mr. Woodchuck into the den under my shed. Trotted my behind out there and got my conibear neck trap set.

Checked the trap Sunday morning. Nothing. Turns out the enterprising little bugger re-opened the rear exit to the den. Temporarily. Didnít bother checking the trap again till last night. Chalk up #19. Now I ought to go pick my beans before another woody gets any ideas.

Cindy made all these grand plans for Monday. Pick up her dad, take him to return/replace a faulty printer, do lunch, pick up his prescriptions, mow the lawn (which I didnít do because she asked me to leave it for her) and start on appetizers weíre taking to a family reunion weekend coming up soon. (Iím doing stuffed, smoked Jalapenos. 60 of them. Soooo good!!)

Anyhow. I put in my full day of work here at the zoo, whining about Sunday and getting a modicum of actual work done. I return home to find the lawn not mowed, the faulty printer still sitting on the hutch, no dinner started (or even thought of) and am asked to go pick up some prescriptions. Itís obvious Cindy spent the entire day on the couch, nursing one wicked hangover. Stupid me leaves to get those prescriptions and some ingredients for dinner, kinda sorts opens the door a little too energetically on the way and now am sporting a rather sore right hand. (Gawd, there goes half my sex life!) Itís not broke, at least not clean through, but if it doesnít start feeling better in a day or two, I may have to go get it checked out. Iím thinking itís just a bone bruise, on the last metacarpal (5th, 1st? Which way do they number them? Itís the pinky bone.)

So I got to cook dinner with a sore hand. Actually, Zach did most of the stove work (cooking spaghetti Ė tough stuff) while I did my penance for my door opening style slicing goodies for a salad. A sore pinky bone messes with ones knife technique.

In other news Ė lousy workout this morning, but at least it was a workout. Extremely short (but fast) run, so-so on the weights. Just not inspired this morning. Did all my lifts at the right weights, but just had no drive. Even now, Iím just pooped. (I forgot the Ďm the first time through. Pooped turned into a verb, not an adjective. Eeew) Obviously didnít get to bed early enough to recover from Sunday nights lack of quality sleep. Try again tonight.

Have a meeting tonight. Thinking of staying at work, trying to get something accomplished, then grab a bite to eat on the way to the meeting. Doubt itíll be nutritious or calorie friendly. But it also avoids the whole Ďwhatís for dinnerí thing at home. Actually, it avoids the whole ďwhatís at homeĒ thing and right now, I like me some avoidance. With any luck, Cindy will be in bed by the time I get home. Thatís nice because it doesnít require any interaction. Less chance of saying something Iíll regret. Less chance Iíll goad her into telling me to fuck off again and opening that door into being unfettered.

Things to do:

Call Holiday Inn in Syracuse and get a room for the Fall Convention.
Prepare for my initial therapist meeting.
Work? Nah.
Read a bit for my meeting tonight.
Stop at the big orange box and get yet another refund on that patio furniture set we bought.

Story on the patio furniture Ė Found a set that looked like it was designed with our house colors in mind. Originally $800. Saw it on sale for $700 and had a coupon for 10% off, so got it for $630. 3 weeks later, itís advertised for $550, so I take the receipt in and get refunded the difference. (They do a return on the original purchase and ring you out a receipt for the new purchase price) Last night we found out that that same set is on sale AGAIN, this time for $400. I still have the Ďnewí receipt from my last exchange. The time limit for this transaction is 30 days after purchase. Today is day 29 Ė so Iím headed to the big orange box to go collect my $150 refund. Jill also works at home Depot, so if the store nearest me gives me a hard time I can just give Jill everything and sheíll run the refund tomorrow Ė the last possible day to get it. Might have to treat her to lunch for that little favor. Sheís the one that told me about the new sale price too. Smart girl.

Need to get that reservation made. Want to make sure I get a room At Al Anon rates. Regular rates are $30 a night higher. Thinking about getting a room by myself, but anly getting refunded for half from our groups GR fund. Ideally I should get a roommate, but I like the idea of having my privacy. I also like the idea of having a place to get away from crowds & other people, so I donít have to be ďonĒ the whole time. Such a chore.

Oh yeah. I was going to answer some comments. I donít know if you all click the ďnotify me about follow upsĒ thing, so Iím never sure if you see my responses in the comments section. Enough folks comments on the last entry that Iíll just do a group response here.

Yes, Iíd agree that the situation with Cindyís drinking is showing some signs of progress. Between last week and Sunday night, sheís actively sought help and admitted to her father and I that she has a problem. She even used the word alcoholic in describing herself and admitted to craving a drink every hour of every day.

Sunday night was a very disappointing set back, but it doesnít entirely negate the progress made earlier. Now, the important part is Cindy climbing back on the wagon. The hard part will be trying to not push her. Part of our talk Sunday night revealed that sheís expecting me to push her some I think, and part of her frustration was in my repeatedly telling her she had to do it for herself, I wasnít going to force her. After 2 visits, she doesnít understand her own program well enough, and she doesnít understand mine at all, so Iím sure she doesnít know how this whole recovery is going to happen. Iím also sure my hands off attitude to her recovery is upsetting her, giving the appearance that I donít care. Unfortunately for her, she doesnít want to hear it when I tell her that she owns her recovery and thereís nothing I can do to make her do it.

Now Iím at the point where I really need some help myself, to better define just what I CAN do to help her. Iím afraid though that the kind of help I can give she may be unwilling to accept. Thatís why after this weekend Iíll be keeping a sleeping bag in the van.

Now though, I think Iíll go do work. I do have a board change to get done by next week, and if I donít get it moving, well, being late sucks.


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