2007-08-22, 10:05 p.m.
Today, August 22, 2007 at 7:00pm, (2 hours ago as I type this) I will have been smoke free for precisely 3 years. Pretty good start, eh?
To answer OKCís question from yesterday Ė yes the Golden Rule applies. Itís not stated in so many words, but the idea is there. Thereís all sorts of cutsie sayings, but the thrust of it all is this: I work on me, she works on herself. We each have our own program and are supposed to be free to work it. Iím glad sheís going to AA. Maybe sometime in the near future sheíll learn to be an actual human being instead of the cast iron bitch she is now. One can only hope.
My only beef was that if I left for a meeting (or anyplace else for that matter) with out at least telling her I was heading out and would be gone xx long, sheíd read me the riot act when I got back. ďI turned around and you were gone!Ē ďCanít you tell someone youíre going?Ē ďHow can you leave and not tell me where youíre going?Ē - ad nauseam. But put the shoe on the other foot and itís all different. She leaves (for a meeting I presume) and just slinks out. When she gets back, she wonít answer any polite questions about how she is, where she was Ė itís all ďnone of your businessĒ Ė and Iím not even the one asking the questions.
So thereís a double standard at play. Thereís more. Little white lies, spreading misinformation to the kids, still drinking regularly but hiding it better (using those little hip flasks) and treating me like Iím invisible unless thereís an audience of non-nuclear family.
I donít know if itís a lack of acknowledgement on my part that she IS going to AA thatís causing all this, or if itís guilt feelings on her part, or something else entirely. Seriously? I have to let her work it out. She wants recognition for going to AA? Stop fucking drinking. Work the program, donít just mouth the words. Iíll acknowledge progress when I see it. So far, sheís just paying AA lip service in the hopes that someone will pity her for it. Holding on to old grievances, trying to control people, all the little things she did when she was openly drinking - sheís still doing. If she quits the drinking she can work on the other stuff Ė and Iím happy to let her. Iíll keep my side of the street clean, she can keep her side clean (paraphrasing one of the cutsie sayings). But the drinking has to stop before she can make progress in the other areas. Iím starting to establish both a time line and alternative plans. She better get on her horse and she better start whipping it hard.
So yeah. 3 years, no smoking. As my reward, Iím going to bowl for another year. Cuts out on one meeting a week, but Iíve got GR stuff to do, and maybe I can find another meeting during the week to pick up on. Then thereís always the shrink. Gotta see how the insurance works on that one. Iíll probably continue going, but the co pay will determine how often. Iíd like to stick with a minimum of every other week. Weíll see.
Class I had for work today sucked. Not what I expected at all. So I blew off the afternoon, made arrangements for a lunch date, had a nice little lunch, then called Eric and went golfing. What a great afternoon.
Zach & Jill came over for dinner seeing as it was Ericís last night home before heading back to school. Did up some smoked chicken wings. Dusted the wings with some dry rub, let them chill in the fridge and soak up the luv for the day. Fired up the smoker, did the wings at 225-ish in mesquite smoke for about 2 hours. After that, I crispied them up real quick on the grill. Plain smoking leaves the skin kinda rubbery. Couple minutes on a hot grill will crisp up that skin nice. After the grilling, I just shake them with a little home made BBQ sauce and call Ďem done. Deeeeelicious. I saved some for yíall. Youíll have to come over and try them.
Gotta get off to bed. Need to haul my butt to the gym in the morning, then get Eric (& Kelly) moved. Gonna be a long day. For some reason, Cindy invited The Bob along too. I can not understand why. Weíre moving Eric into a 3rd floor apartment Ė no elevator. A 75 year old guy with creaky knees and no memory has no business even being on the trip. I hope we donít run him over on the stairway.
Need to load up on patience. Iím gonna need it.
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