Not Again (and again)!
2008-04-09, 2:42 p.m.
At least my efforts to not build up any expectations weren’t for naught. ON her day off, Cindy got a ton of stuff done around the house and as far as I could see, was dry and not high when I got home. Tres cool.
Oops, gotta run & get lunch. Be right back . . .
Well, back from lunch and a therapy session. Today’s topic? Avoidance. I am the king of avoidance – or at least I’m in the running.
First, to get to what I wanted to add for today.
Took a few pics of our old gas range. 8 year old Kenmore, 30” gas range, high output burners, sure simmer, high capacity oven, heavy duty cast iron burner grates, all stainless steel and black. Sharp looking unit. Like this even:
I posted it at 8:22pm Tuesday. First response (I learned this morning) was at 8:47pm. Got 3 more responses by midnight. I’ve emailed everybody, just waiting to hear on who wants to come see it in person. One guy offered $300 cash and he’d come take it away tonight. Too bad he was the second responder. I’m giving them first refusal in the order I received their responses. Unless I don’t hear back from them. But it’s cool to think that the range could be gone 24 hrs after posting the ad. So Craigslist IS good for something other than meeting strange women for a kinky sex rendezvous. WTF is the plural of rendezvous? Rendezvouses? Rendezvii? Oh. I looked it up. How boring. It’s like fish is sometimes. Plural of rendezvous is rendezvous. Like I said, boring. Very unimaginative.
So. Range – potentially gone. Next subject – Taxes. Fuck me. My own taxes aren’t so bad. Tuition deductions, tax deductions, school loan interest, mortgage interest, kids (oops, kid) for exemptions – easy. Eric’s taxes? Easy. He made barely over the exemption amount, so he’ll get a pretty nice return. The source of my agita? The Bob. I apparently still don’t have all the paperwork coming to me – some is still being sent to him and he doesn’t know what to do with it except toss it. My mistake? Waiting till the week before taxes are due to find this out. I think there’s an extension in his future. Plus, he never set up his pension and/or social security payments to have enough taxes taken out. With his investment income, he’s going to owe huge sums. I have GOT to get his monthly withholding fixed.
Today’s new subject? Avoidance. That was the theme at todays’s session with Annette. I’m avoiding having this “I know what you’ve been doing” talk with Cindy. We all know that. Why? I’m afraid of where it will lead. I don’t want to get into some freakin marathon discussion about “I said/you said”. I’m afraid of upsetting the delicate balance we’ve achieved by ignoring the elephant sitting in the kithen.
So what does Annette say? She brought up a recent incident. Local grocery store is all about customer service. Hell, they’re famous. Fantastic store. They were selling a line of greeting cards featuring guys wearing very low cut pants, girls spilling out of their brassieres, thongs galore – kinda racy stuff, but no worse than PG 13. This one lady took exception to the display and wrote the store a letter. In it, she extolled many of the good point of shopping there. But at the end, she asked, “Do you have to display “those cards” right at the eye level of every 5 year old in the store?”
So. She started with a compliment. Identified an issue – not with the cards per se, but with how they were displayed. She also hinted at a solution. The stores response? They kept selling that line of cards, but they moved them (and others like them) up higher on the racks so young eyes would be less likely to see them. Everybody wins.
My new barnstorm of a plan consists of writing a similar letter. Point out all the positives. Play up the successes. Stress how important it is to me that we have a strong, solid relationship. Then, bring up my fears. Point out that I’m “communicating how I feel” about certain situations. Without blaming or finger pointing, basically get down to “I know you’ve been drinking and it bothers me. I am afraid that we will end up right where we were 6 – 8 months ago.”
Add to this the fact that we agreed to certain conditions when we entered into counseling. (Oh shit – I need to tell Cindy that our couples session tonight is cancelled). I am honoring your requests of me. I would just ask that you do the same.
Thing is, I’d only be writing the letter because it’s easier for me to get the ideas down. I’d end up using it like a script for a speech. It’d be a step backwards to just hand it to her and say “Here, read this.”
I also don’t want to get into the position where I am asking Cindy if she’s been drinking. I don’t want to put her in a defensive position – or force/allow her to deny it. I KNOW she’s drinking, I know she’s hiding it. It won’t be a question. As Annette has coached – “this is the situation, this is how I feel about it”. Done. Annette also stressed that I don’t have to allow it to grow unbounded into some marathon bitch fest. I’m also thinking that I’d bring this up before she has to trot off to her meeting tonight. Give her something to chew on while she’s there.
Also missed my meeting last night. Mom had some car trouble and I was sort of on deck to help if AAA could only get her towed to a garage. Turns out it was just a bum battery, but by the time everything got settled, it was too late to venture over to the next town for my feel good session. Since Cindy never offered to give my mom a ride home after the garage trip and cut me loose for my meeting, it’s only fair I drop my “how I’m feeling” bomb on her right before her own meeting.
If I sit back and examine my motives, the reasons for communication my fears are valid. The timing is shitty and completely avoidable, but I feel like being a little schmucky about it. Passive aggressive much?
I gotta go write a script . . .
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