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wut eye lernd inn therapie yesturda
2008-05-09, 11:13 a.m.

Day 1356 wut eye lernd inn therapie yesturda

1. I seriously need to stop being afraid of communicating to others how I feel.
2. I seriously need to work on identifying just how I DO feel.
3. This stuffing of my own feelings might have been learned from subjugating my own wants & needs due to being the eldest of a family of latch key kids. With both parents working, it falls to the eldest to take care of things till the parents get home. The down side? I put my need after the needs of everybody else. The up side? I learned that I liked to cook.
4. I really need to shorten the feedback loop between Cindy’s actions and my ‘communicating to others’ how I feel. Her rifling my wallet, mining for dirt – pissed me off. (Or mining for money – but wtf? – she’s got her own ATM card and passes 2 fee free ATM’s on her way to work) Even now, the only thing I said to her was a very sarcastic “Gee, how did you know I had an appointment with Annette?” Like it’s a fucking mystery. (pardon my Portugese)
5. #4 requires the elimination of procrastination – and I can’t do that later. Well, shouldn’t do that later.


Soooooooo, yeah. Cindy’s anesthetized when I get home last night and she lets it leak that she’s been fondling my wallet for unknown reasons. Man, it’s a good thing I erase my cell phones text messages from the 5 girls I have on the side. Net thing you know there’ll be a third in one of my little trysts – oohh – kinky!! I’m kidding about the 5 girls & trysts. The only extra action my ass is seeing involves a bike seat.

Anyhow – FOCUS!! Cindy called me this morning, all chatty & chipper, I have no clue why. She did tell me a guy I graduated high school with, a guy I saw at our XXth reunion in November, that I even ran cross country with back in the day (even if that day was in 1976), apparently committed suicide last night. His girlfriend (another classmate) and her son (from her previous marriage) found him at home last night. What a terrible thing to come home to. No details yet, doubt there will be. Damn Chuck, why?

After sharing the sad news, our conversation sort of degraded (well, not degraded exactly) into the normal stuff – dinner? Weekend plans? Grocery shopping? Grout? You know, the usual stuff. Over the phone while at work is clearly not the right time or place to start to share about feelings, but it sure would be a good thing to get it in tonight. Might provide a nice window for a bike ride tomorrow morning too. Need to get in 60 miles. It’s only 4 hours – not a whole week. I’m sure she’ll get over it.

Short & sweet today.

Oh – last thing, since I don’t often post on weekends. To all the eligible ladies out there – Happy Mothers Day to you all. Hope you get the spa treatments you all deserve!


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old habits - new tricks