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I Don’t Want To
2008-12-04, 9:26 p.m.

Day 1564

That was the thought running through my head this morning from about 4:00 till 6:30. I kept looking at the clock, knowing I needed to be up by 4:50 or so to start getting ready to hit the gym and just start the day. All I could think was “I don’t wanna do it.” Pitiful. Think I’m just in a funk. Seasonal? Stress related? Just run down? Beats the crap outta me. I just don’t like how I feel right now.

I should be a little more relaxed now, right? Cindy is in Delaware for at least another day, she hasn’t had a drink in a week (that I know of), I’ve made nice progress on the rooms and tomorrow is bowling day again.

So why am I feeling the funk?

Annette cancelled the appointment the boys & I had with her tonight. I think we’re moving it to Friday instead. Bummed about that. My visits to Annette finally hit the max coverage of our insurance. The last visit and the next two will be billed direct. That’s a thrill. Have to meter out the visits better in the next year. 1800/110 = 16.3 visits. That means about one every 3 – 4 weeks. Hmmmm.

Cindy is coming back tomorrow.

We’re still planning the home version of A&E’s Intervention for this weekend.

The silliest problems at work are taking me 3 days to figure out. Partially due to the funk, but also contributing to it.

The funk is leading me to poor food choices (i.e. shit that’s easy to eat). Poor food choices are leading to tight pants. In all the wrong places.

Don’t even get me started on Christmas cookies. Haven’t made any, don’t really want any, hoping to avoid them all together. (But Circe, if you want a batch of those raspberry/ chocolate/granola bar thingy’s, I’d be thrilled to do you up another batch. Really.)

Then there’s Christmas itself. What to get, what to get.

As time goes on (sung to the tune of . . . As Time Goes On)

So here we are now at Thursday. In the afternoon. Still funky (although something I ate may be contributing to some of my aura).

No appointment with Annette last night, but we did get it moved to Friday. Which means D-Day can still be Saturday. Oh boy.

I have had a few chats with Cindy while she’s been down in Delaware (the land of George Thorogood). Good chats too. One thing that has both our knickers in a knot was a little tidbit she told me last night. Hold on for the ride here:

As long ago as August, possibly earlier than that, we told Cindy’s brother (heretofore referred to as SH, DF, RN and/or SHDFRN) (that would translate as shit head, dumb fuck, red neck and or shit headed dumb fucking redneck) (or ignorant SOB) that Zach and Jill had set their wedding date and it was 6/6/09. Told him when, where, told him to save the date.

In late August/early September the kids sent out “Save the Date” cards to everyone they anticipated inviting. Including the half of our clan Cindy and SHDFRN are now visiting. While hanging out down there at their cousin’s house, SHDFRN and his charming wife announced that their daughter (actually her daughter, SHDFRN legally adopted her after they were married 20 some yrs ago) has set June 6 of next year as her wedding date.

You get that? SHDFRN KNEW when Zach & Jill were getting married and STILL LET HIS DAUGHTER PICK THE SAME FUCKING DAY. Z & J have their church, Pastor, photog, limo, reception site, cake, flowers, dresses, invitations – EVERYTHING – set. Dick Head (oops, forgot that one) thinks that they can just move their time around to accommodate. Um – NO.

Now, we don’t give two shits if SHDFRNDH and his charming wife & kids are at Zach & Jill’s wedding (probably even less now). What sucks is that they are now forcing the family to make a choice. I hope someone convinces them to change their date. Fuckers. Zach & Jill seem to be taking it in stride, probably ought to try and adopt their attitude.

More time has passed, now it’s Thursday evening. Bowling tonight. Talk about a dichotomy! Personally, it sucked. I’m in a funk there too. Throwing good shots, just not getting any good breaks. Seems to be a theme for me this time of the season. Always have a few bad weeks. It’ll pass. The other half of the dichotomy? Lefty did it!! I got to watch a 300 game being bold right before my very eyes. Saw every shot. Only one was in doubt, a corner pin took seemingly forever to fall. The last 3 shots? Perfect – never a doubt. For the night he had a 766 for 3 games. If you’re keeping score, that’s a 255 AVERAGE for the night. Lordy.

Cindy arrived back in town ate afternoon. She called me around 4 to let me know she’d arrived. We’d arranged earlier that she’d call to order dinner and I’d pick it up on my away home. When I called to check when dinner would be ready – I knew immediately. Her streak of non-drinking days for sure ended tonight. Also, for what ever reason, she’s added Bloody Mary’s with a shit load of horseradish to her arsenal. So now there is not only a fresh bottle of whiskey in the cabinet, she’s also got herself a bottle of vodka in there. Both of them fresh today. Oy.

Rescheduled with Annette for Friday evening. Did I mention that? Probably did. Tonight is just reinforcement of our need to get this done.


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old habits - new tricks