2006-07-27, 3:02 p.m.
Day 704a Fibber McGee, Hey Thatís Me!
Thereís another entry from today back there. Something to do with being found by a search looking for ďwean off LipitorĒ. Ended up doing a 1 page review of my own work to get off Lipitor.
Anyhow, entry ĎDay 704aí is more for my own record keeping. A way to keep me accountable to at least myself and to Cindy too, although she has no idea Iím doing this. Well, this, right now, and this whole diary thing (gee, ya think?).
The point Iím sidestepping is this: I lied to Cindy this morning. Just a wee bit Ė but a lie just the same. It was about what Iím doing tonight thatís going to make me late getting home. Told her I was behind on a project and I wanted to spend some time catching up before we headed to New Jersey as I have a deliverable due right after we return. Now, on the face of it, everything there is true. I am behind, I do WANT to spend time at work catching up, I do have deliverables due both right before and right after our trip. Truth is, you and I all know Iím going to my weekly Al Anon meeting. She doesnít.
She doesnít know because I havenít told her. I havenít told her because when sheís sober, I chicken out and when sheís not sober, thereís no point in telling her. Lately, itís been more because of her not being sober. Saves me from being a chicken.
So, what have we learned from the hours & hours spent at Al Anon meetings so far? Apparently not much. But what should we be practicing?
Well, I got step 1 Ė Iím powerless over alcohol. Bruddah, I got that one.
Steps 2 & 3, ehh Ė gotta work on those two some, but Iíll probably never fully accept them.
Step 4 Ė the part about the fearless moral inventory of ourselves. I appear to maybe be making tiny steps in the right direction there, at least for the moment.
The next biggies are steps 8 & 9 Ė make a list of people we harmed, then make amends.
Looks like Iíve started a list. I guess I donít have to finish the list before I start making amends. Could be more of a Ďliving documentí kinda deal.
The making amends part. Here, we get back to: A Ė waiting for that sober moment (patience, patience), B Ė seizing that moment, and C Ė figuring out how the hell to do A & B. Well, how to do B anyhow. I can wait (ie: procrastinate) with the best of them. Itís that whole carpe diem thing I need to work on.
That leads me back to steps 5, 6 & 7 which amount to admitting my shortcomings to both another human being and my ďhigher powerĒ, preparing to have my higher power remove these defects of character, then humbly asking that higher power to actually remove my shortcomings.
Now, Iím sure all you folks who stumble in here and read are in fact real, live, human beings. Iím especially sure about those Iíve met (Hi Serena), exchanged long, expressive emails with (a big hello to Alison and Pam) and even those to whom I owe some ab cruncher motivational tools (hey there Sport!). However, I think my good books are figuring I should admit all my shortcomings to a real live, IN THE FLESH human beings. That means one of two things. I either sit Cindy down and admit all this stuff to her (believe me, she could supply me with a list of shortcomings if I missed any), or I get a sponsor. Both ideas have merit. One has a bit more risk involved (guess which one).
I donít know how the whole sponsor thingy works. I donít know if thereís a certain amount of time one must attend, or if thereís a certain Ďstateí one must attain before attempting to line up a sponsor. Iím not even sure just what a sponsor is supposed to do for you, except help you learn (practice, work?) the steps really.
1.) Learn about sponsors (tonight might be good!).
2.) Fess up to Cindy.
A) That little talk Iíve been meaning to have.
B) What Thursday evenings are REALLY for.
3.) Continue with steps 4 Ė 9, even if itís little bits here and there.
Guess thatís the plan. Did finally break my vow of silence at the Al Anon meetings last week. Starting to gain some measure of security there. If I get there early tonight (minor miracles must occur), I might even ask some of the more regular regulars about how the sponsor deal works and who might make a good sponsor, or who might even have the bandwidth to take on another sponsee (is that a made up word? Thereís donor and donee, right? But msw0rd apparently dislikes both ee words. Hmmm)
All tangents aside (get it Ė tangent/aside??, keep up people) Iím back to where I was a few days ago. Time to cowboy up and get the dirty work done.
Whereís Mike Rowe when you need him??
I updated the stats earlier. Let it suffice to say that I got machine #10 this morning (my favorite) and I gave it a thorough pounding. Got sweat almost down to the hem of my last XL work out T shirt (thatís a lot of cotton). Sucker weighed nearly a pound when I was done. Also torched 600+ calories in 35 minutes. Know what that means? I get fat free ice cream tonight as a treat!! All 130 calories per Ĺ cup. Yee haw!
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