Day 11 - calm after the storm?
2004-09-02, 3:27 p.m.

Day 11 9/2/04

Had an odd dream last night (I think), but all I remember is the sensation of taking a drag on a cigarette and inhaling the smoke. Exquisite detail for a dream. Happened once early in the sleep cycle, and again just before it was time to officially drag my butt out of bed. Wonder if that's the psychological addiction trying to maintain some pretense of existence?

It's hard to not personify the addiction and it's processes. It at least makes it somewhat easier to talk about.

Those dream images have been the strongest cravings in several days. Kinda nice, cuz how hard could it be to resist an urge when you're not even conscious? Not like you can really do anything about it.

Went out to dinner with my Mom last night. She took me, my wiff, & my aunt (K) & uncle (G) out to a semi fancy restaraunt as a way of saying thanks for all the help we've given her around the house. I guess since my dad died (wow - coming up on 11 years now) we have done a bunch of stuff around the house - but how can you not do something? Between G & I we can build or fix (or completely destroy) about anything, or at least know when it's time to throw in the towel and get new. K is a huge moral support, shoulder to cry on, and just general cheerleader/do gooder. The wiff - well she lets me off duty around our house so I can go over to Mom's and tackle the to-do list over there a few times a year.

Aaaanyhow - no one at dinner last night knew I had quit smoking besides the wiff. Of course in NY, about the only places left to smoke anymore are in your car or house, or select few places outside. Even ball parks have designated smoking areas. I guess the point is, it was nice to be able to sit and chew the fat after dinner and not want to rush off to have a smoke. Although I'm sure the wiff had 1 or 2 on the way home - due to work circumstances, we drove separately. Still can't talk her over to the quitting side. I must maintain a good example and not be too obvious about guilting her into quitting. One of these days . . .

The not smoking thing at work still going pretty good. Worst part is getting a simulation run started. Some of them take an hour or more. What a handy time to go off and have a smoke. Used to grab my log book, some paperwork, drawings to work on - what ever, and head off for a smoke or 2 while the sim ran. Now? Update schedules at my desk. Edit source code for another project while another one is running in the background. Crank out some Bode plots for an analog control system. Getting scary efficient.

Gotta talk the wiff into not leaving her butts in the garage. I'd rather not have to deal with the temptation just yet. Noticed some in there last night and this morning. First time since I quit that it's happened. I think it was just a slip on her part, but I gotta make sure it doesn't become a regular thing. Actually, I'd like her to stop smoking in the garage entirely. That's where I leave my hunting clothes/gear and I bet it would make for better hunting if I didn't smell like a tobacco shop when I snuck into the woods. Maybe that can be some more leverage to use in getting her to quit too. Hmmmmm

11 days down, I'm running out of grapes again.

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