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More with the quiet
2005-06-08, 3:12 p.m.

Day 290 More with the Quiet

Not a lot going on lately to write about. Been faithfully getting to the Y for workouts. Even got to the last two step classes after missing 3 in a row. Treadmill work is going fine, but may have to start venturing out to new machines. Right ankle is getting a little whiny about the pounding of running all the time.

Now that summer is here, (Boy howdy, is it here. 90 degrees, in June, in Upstate NY?? Hot baby), Iím thinking bicycling would be a great diversion. We have several bike friendly trails in my area, some of them stretching for over 100 miles. Most of the trails use old railroad beds or run along the Erie Canal or Genesee River. This makes them relatively flat (read that as easy to ride) and cross roads frequently enough that emergency pick ups shouldnít bee too difficult. Iím thinking flat tires and the like Ė not wicked bad crashes or anything.

The fitness point system at the Y actually allows for including things like biking, mowing the yard, running outside Ė even weeding the garden. No reason to not get in outdoor workouts in the good weather.

C has been her usual self lately. Her Dad has been staying at her brother Wís place for the last week and a half. This has opened the door for her to resume drinking at her normal pace. Thatís not really a good thing. Even Z & E are thoroughly disgusted with her when she gets into her drinks. Lucky for them though, Z usually finds a reason to head over to Jís and E manages to get a phone call from a friend providing a reason to go ďoutĒ for the evening.

I usually manage to find a way to disappear without leaving the house. Cís established a pretty consistent history of losing her balance and falling into, onto or through something. As much as Iíd like to just go bowling or something, I think I kinda need to hang around and make sure she doesnít hurt herself too bad. She has taken a couple of nasty trips down the cellar stairs. Iíd rather be there as it happens, so I can determine right away how bad the fall was, as opposed to coming home some evening finding her at the bottom of the stairs with a broken neck. Plus, I canít let her drive anywhere. Of course, Iíll refuse to go out and buy cigarettes or booze for her, but I also need to keep her from trying to go anywhere herself. No matter what she may do, what ever penalty she may have to pay wonít be paid by her alone. I want to minimize my own exposure to those penalties, and if that means staying home, suffering through her drunken stupors just to make sure she doesnít try to drive anywhere Ė so be it.

The real problem to me is how bitter itís making me. Iím losing out on companionship, actual intelligent conversation, a sex life, and probably a few years of my own life just in aggravation and tension. Good thing I quit smoking, or thatíd be another few years less to live.

Speaking of quitting, I need to go check in at Quitnet. Havenít been there in a while. Might be some staying quit tips that are applicable to someone approaching 10 months without a smoke. There have been times lately where seeing someone having a cigarette triggers some of the old memories. I realize itís the old nicotine addiction playing tricks in my head so itís not so bad suppressing any of the urges. Iím just curious if theyíll ever stop, or if theyíll just keep decreasing in frequency & intensity.

Z is heading to Florida for a 1 week vacation with some of his friends. That means E will have use of Zís car for the week. Iíll actually have a car to drive, all by myself. Maybe even go to a meeting. Maybe just for fun tonight, Iíll mention going to Al Anon meetings. Have to make sure she knows what Al Anon is actually for. Maybe Iíll Ďslipí and leave out some of the literature too. Her knowing that one of us (Z, E or me) is at least considering going to Al Anon might provide enough of a wake up call. Probably not, itíll most likely just piss her off and ignite a binge. Worth a shot though.

Skipped the Y this morning and slept in instead. Not sure which felt better, the extra sleep or the endorphin high from a good work out. In spite of the extra sleep, I feel kind of lethargic today. Maybe Iíll head out to the gym tonight and get in a good sweat. Or maybe Iíll get a bike out, get it tuned up real quick and go for a spin. While my Al Anon literature lies on a coffee table, waiting to be discovered. Cool idea.

Could always ride to one of my brotherís houses. One only lives 2 or so miles away Ė quick bike ride. Other one is more like 6 miles off, still very do-able. Both of them have been laid up recently. One broke his upper arm playing soccer. Broke his right arm, of course, heís right handed. Heís not having any fun at all. Thatís the farther ride, maybe Iíll save it for this weekend. Other brother has had some cysts on his right wrist come and go. This last time, they came but never went away. They were getting painful and a little large. He finally decided to have them surgically removed. At least heís left handed. Having a little soft tissue work done is way better than a broken bone too. Thatís the shorter ride, might fit into a weekday evening quite well. Plus itís mostly downhill on the way home.

So the plan is:
Do dinner. Lately if I donít, no one eats.
Get a bike out, make sure itís oiled up & run able.
Select some literature to leave out & about.
Fix up a bottle of water.
Bike to broís house. If heís not home, cruise the long way back home, but get home before dark.

Results to be posted Thursday or Friday.

290 days down, I evil plot coming up.

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