Altering Habits

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22 months
2006-06-22, 2:44 p.m.

Day 669 22 Months

Today marks 22 straight months with out a smoke. You’d think one would have a good grip on not smoking after all that time. Most of the time, I do. Lately though, something here in Dilbertville (yes, we have a cube farm here – everybody is like rats in a maze) near my office smells an awful lot like cigarette smoke. Fortunately, the company’s permit to allow (well ventilated) indoor smoking rooms expires in 9 days. Maybe that will help. If not – it’s just the last remnants of the nicotine crave trying to kick up a little action before it disappears altogether. I’m not terribly concerned about it – there’s too much progress in cardiovascular performance at stake. No way I’m giving that up.

No woodchucks in the last 4 days. Maybe they’ve declared a moratorium on trying to assault my green beans. Better for them that way.

Got a little vacation coming up tomorrow afternoon. Need to take Bob to go pick up his new glasses – and go get the power of attorney papers all notarized and official. Might swing by bank and order some new checks too – some that have my name listed as a signatory on the accounts. Prolly gotta do signature cards at the bank too, and maybe leave them a cop of the PoA forms. I have no clue what’s required, this is all kinda new to me.

Was hoping to get a an opportunity to head east and go visit Serena again, cuz I could use a good hug, but the opportunity dried up. Managed to get a customers machine working via a phone conversation – so no need for a site visit. Too bad. Have to start plotting something for State Fair time. Have to move Zach into the dorms for his last semester at SUNY ESF, so the opportunity is there – just need to nail down dates & times.

Have to spend the remainder of lunch time reading my mini-tomes from Al-Anon. Need to see what today’s themes are and catch up on the past week. If I can get a little time to think about today’s topics, maybe I can come up with something to share during the discussions. I sure do have questions, but I don’t quite know what to expect for answers.

The one question I really want to ask is basically this: When I go home tonight and find my alcoholic already well on her way to getting shitfaced, no thought of dinner much less anything actually cooking, kids (yes, 20 somethings are too kids) wondering what the heck IS for dinner, and my alcoholic is sitting out back on the patio (like she’s a pet), smoking, drinking and feeling sorry for herself, how exactly do I handle that? Because, frankly, I haven’t been handling it well.

Next question: How long? How long does one put up with it? I can’t cure it, have to wait for her to figure it out for herself. So how long do I wait? Things might be a little complicated with me having Power of Attorney for her dad, and also being the executor of his will (he asked, I certainly didn’t campaign for the job), but still, there needs to be some sort of limit – a date, a series of events, some sort of condition, something that will tell me she’s either turned the corner or is headed deeper.

Damn. Work keeps getting in the way. That’s another thing. What time suck from work this is. Not the diary writing, but the worrying, fretting, tiredness, lack of concentration & focus – it sucks. Here we are at Thursday and I’ve barely done 8 hours of work so far this week. I probably need to talk to my supervisor and let him know what’s up, before this starts to look bad on my stellar record.

On to better subjects.

New pond pump is due to arrive today. Old pump kinda shit the bed. You might be able to see in the pictures I posted that the water falls in the upper left aren’t working. Looking straight down from the falls, you can see a black tube and a black power cord. Yeah, those would be attached to the dead pump. Normally the pump sits on the bottom of the pond, 3 feet below the surface. This pump? Runs for maybe 3 minutes, overheats and shuts down. Only 2 months old. I called the pond place that sold us the kit. They didn’t even hesitate when it came to sending out a new pump. From a different manufacturer. Apparently, they’ve had a bit of trouble with this particular pump and aren’t even offering it anymore. Kinda curious to see how the new pump will work. And if it will work longer than 2 months.

Ooh. Just checked the UPS site. Pump has been delivered. Arrived @ 12:44pm. Very cool. Something to act as a diversion tonight – for a little while.

I better go try and focus. Maybe if I print out my required deliveries for next month I’ll shit my pants a bit and start to concentrate on the job for a month or two. That’d be a nice change.

Oh – Sport – I got your note and do remember what it said, but I’m not going to change your stats. You’ll get it back. I’m sure of it. So we’ll just wait for you to get caught back up – ok? Sides, I’ve hit the wall on that durn motivational tool – technical difficulties. I will get it done though. More diversionary work. It’s all good.

Updated stats:
Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight 186.75 on 6/12/06 (?!?)
Target: 180 by 7/1/06 (Riiiight – 6 lbs in 2 weeks? Who needs a spare left arm?)
Next “official” weigh in: 6/26/06

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marn’s Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 6/22/06: 482.46
Miles with cooldown: 530.42
Target for 2006: 1000 miles

Weighdown Stats
Brian 7.0 14 1.5 50.0
Sport 5 8 1.5 62.5
alison 7.0 8 3 87.5

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old habits - new tricks