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Timeline for Angst
2006-06-29, 3:13 p.m.

Day 674 Timeline for an Angst Causing Evening

It started out innocently, with no hint as to what was to come. It could have ended much worse than it did, but I tried applying some Al-Anon learnings. Didn’t keep me from getting pissed off, but at least there was no explosion. Yet. Should also note that Cindy is on vacation this week.

The start:

1:30 PM
A(lky): Where is there _____ bank near Dads apartment?
Me: Where are you now?
A: Jefferson & Winton, headed north on Winton.
Me: Go to the expressway, get off at Monroe, bank is at Monroe & Clover.
A: Thanks. Talk to you later.

Not a bad exchange at all. Bob needed some pocket money. Since giving me his checkbook, he’s been a little more confused about his money than normal. Surprising, since he had NO IDEA how much money he even had in his checking or savings accounts. Cindy didn’t want to just hit up any old ATM so she could avoid the transaction fees for doing business out of network. The fact that she spent $2 worth of gas to save her dad a transaction fee was lost in the noise.

The middle:

2:40 PM
A: Got the banking done. Turns out that bank is nice & close to Dad’s apartment.
Me: Yeah, not bad. Did you go back up Clover or do the expressway?
A: Expressway – it was right there and I wasn’t sure about Clover being a good option.
Me: We’ll have to try it some day. Should be a straight shot thru nice neighborhoods (very nice actually)
A: Can you stop by Home Despot or Smears on the way home and get vacuum cleaner bags?
Me: Sure. What size do we need again?
A: C-3’s
Me: Yeah, I’ll swing by the Despot. If I don’t find them there, I can head over to Smears Sawbuck. (Home Despot is right on my way home, Smears costs me maybe a ½ mile detour. No biggie at all)

Building up to the big finish:

6:08 PM
Me: No C-3 bags at Home Despot. I’m at Smears. They don’t have C-3’s either. What is the model number of our vacuum.
A: Hold on. Lemme geddown schstairsh.
Me: Wait
Me: (maybe a minute later) The model number should be on a silver or white sticker, either on the back or bottom of the vacuum. (It’s really a Kenm@re canister vac). If I know the model number I can get the right bags.
A: (Making mysterious noises. Maybe the vacuum cleaner being opened?)
We need she-3 bagsh.
Me: (Already perturbed because I just KNOW what she’s been doing since our 2:40pm conversation) I need the model number of the vacuum. It’s should be on a white or silver sticker on the bottom of the vacuum.
A: Hold on. (I hear more mystery noises. I’m wondering how noise you can be just turning over a vacuum. These noises go on for about 3 minutes. Then it gets quiet)
Me: You there? What’s the model number?
A: Where’d you schay it wash? I can’t see it.
Me: Fuck it. I’ll come home and get it myself. Don’t bother anymore. (At least the sales guy left early in the call. I might also note that slapping a cell phone closed is no where near as satisfying as slamming down the receiver on an old style phone.)

According to my phone – that call lasted 4:53. At least the mall security guy didn’t give me any shit about my parking lot exit technique. I was slightly more than mildly annoyed at this point.

Got home, found the vacuum cleaner on the dining room floor. Top was off it, attachments strewn all over the floor, hose disconnected, sitting upright on all it’s wheels. I rolled it over, located the 2” square label, smack in the middle of the bottom of the vac. Model number – 193.21513 003. Elapsed time from entering house: 30 seconds. Turns out the bags I had in my hand while waiting on the phone would have worked.

I went back out to the family room, asked Cindy who we were expecting home for dinner. Basically came down to she didn’t know. At 6:30. She at least got some pork loin chops out to thaw Like I asked her.

Eric got home around 7. Jill was already home but wanted to hit the gym for some cardio work. Phone rings. Can’t get to it in time – caller gives up. Cindy has both cordless phones in the family room with her. One in it’s cradle where it belongs. The kitchen phone she has on the coffee table – NOT in the kitchen where I might have gotten to it. Check the call log – it was Fred, Cindy’s uncle & Bob’s younger brother. I call him back.

Fred & I end up shooting the breeze for a while, catching up on everyone’s situation. He’s most interested in how Bob is doing. I double check, make sure he has Bob’s cell # and also give him his new land line #. Re-assure him some about Bob’s condition (I think I kinda suck at it – never got used to sugar coating things) Also confirm our plans to hit the family re-union in New Jersey in August. Sounds like a good time. Whole time I’m on the phone with Fred – Cindy is passed out & snoring on the couch. I tell Jill to go ahead and hit the gym, dinner will be at 8:30 (Alison – this is when I got one of those ‘looks’ from Jill) – about as soon as I can reasonably get everything ready really.

I start dinner prep. No chicken broth, decide to try rice pilaf with beef broth instead. Plenty of veggies left over from previous dinners (string beans, winter squash, peas) but still want to make a salad cuz folks use it for lunches too. Put Eric on grill duty – let him do up the loin chops. I get the rice started and make the salad while the rice cooks. Eric does a very nice job on the chops and brings them in just as the timer for the rice goes off. Veggies were warmed in the nuke, they just finish up and Jill pulls in from the gym. Time – 8:29pm. Cindy – still passed out & snoring. By the way – rice pilaf with beef broth ain’t bad. I was afraid the beef flavor might have been too strong, but I guess I used enough onion & garlic to mellow it some.

Zach was working late, so Eric Jill & I sit down at the table. The three of us had an enjoyable dinner, even over someone’s snores. 9:00ish we clean up dinner dishes, have a plate set aside for Zach, remaining leftovers put away, pots & pans washed. Kids go off & do kid things, I head to the living room to enter my daily food intake into my Fit Day program.

About 10 Cindy stumbles (literally) out of the family room. She’s swaying in the breeze by the front door, sorta watching me on the computer. Just so you know, there was no breeze. Her internal gyros were no doubt screaming, trying to keep her standing. I think she’s also going to have a bruise on her thigh where she careened off an end table while trying to escape the family room. Don’t know how the lamp didn’t fall over. Maybe Jill caught it. Heard the two of them talking a minute or two earlier.

Anyhow, while swaying in the non-breeze, Cindy asks me where the pork chops were. I told her they were in the fridge, to which she replied, “but I got them out for dinner!” Summoning all the calm I could muster, I told her we had dinner an hour and a half ago and went back to reviewing Bob’s checking account statements for the last 3 months (fun, really) (NOT!). Cindy stumbled upstairs to bed, I thought. Good thing it was UP stairs.

I waited a bit, then turned in myself. Zach did make it home, found the plate we saved for him (I think – it was at least gone this morning). Cindy was snoring when I got to bed. I just crawled in, got on my side and tried to sleep. Sometime around 11 she got up and headed downstairs. I thought she had her pillows with her, so I assumed she was headed downstairs to sleep on the couch. Goody.

Turns out she had a pair of my pants and the towel I keep hanging on the back of the closet door. She pitched them down the laundry chute, then went downstairs, rummaged around in the kitchen and came back upstairs eating something. She stayed up in bed for 5+ minutes, crinkling something cellophaney, munching on something that sounded like potato chips, but louder. Thought she was done, but turns out she only went downstairs for more. Finally, maybe 11:15 she settles back down to sleep. Upstairs. Dang! Thought I had the bed to myself.

This morning, as I’m getting my gym bag ready and getting dressed, she bitched about how noisy I was being. Silly me, I let my keys jangle once on their way into my pocket. I looked towards the bed and told her I was being quieter than she was last night. She shut up, I went downstairs.

While I was making my breakfast, she came down and started a pot of coffee. At 6:00 am. She never gets up that early even when she’s working. Guess maybe sleeping all evening got her caught up on rest. She also usually doesn’t drink coffee when she’s hung over. Don’t now how she couldn’t be hung over after last night. Also have no idea how the rest of her morning went, I left before the coffee was done. Tried to work off some angry energy at the gym. Beat the hell out of the elliptical, gave the weights a really good ride. I was plenty worn after my sets of crunches but I don’t think it worked cuz I’m still pissed.

Now we won’t talk much to each other for a few days. Externally, she’ll act like she’s mad at me, like I did something wrong. Maybe after a few days, or when she needs something, she’ll start to act civil again. Maybe. Usually it takes a couple of days of being sober before she comes around. Some weeks, there aren’t 2 consecutive days of sobriety. Makes for many quiet evenings.

Was hoping to go for a 10 or 12 mile bike ride tonight after the Al-Anon meeting. Just had a ferocious thunder boomer storm move through here. Wonder how that might affect a bike ride tonight?

I was telling Alison that I thought maybe it was time I started sharing a bit at the Al-Anon meetings. I was hoping for a daily reading topic that might serve as a segue into some of the 89 bazillion questions I have. But really, all of the daily readings are on point for something that’s bugging me. I just need to open my mouth. I’m a little afraid that once I start, I won’t stop. Heh. Four pages worth here haven’t slowed me down much.

Better go try to get some work done. Just had another task added to a pile that hasn’t gotten any smaller in the last 2 months. Feel like I’m struggling just to tread water lately. Hope the weather clears tonight. I need to ride. A long ways.

Updated stats:
Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight 186.75 on 6/19/06 (?!?)
Target: 180 by 7/1/06 (Riiiight – 6 lbs in 2 days? Who needs a spare left leg?)
LAST “official” weigh in: 7/1/06

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marn’s Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 6/29/06: 507.51
Miles with cooldown: 558.14
Target for 2006: 1000 miles

Weighdown Stats
Brian 7.0 14 0.25 50.0
Sport 5 8 0.25 62.5
alison 7.0 8 1.5 87.5

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old habits - new tricks