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Basking in It
2006-08-17, 11:18 a.m.

Day 725 Basking in it

White hot, seething rage. Iím going to bask in it for a while, soak it in. I want to remember how this feels, so in a few days, when I might cool down a bit, I can look back and know I donít want to get this worked up about anything ever again.

But what ever might have fueled a rage such as this? Weíll need a little background. Cindy of course has an engagement ring. Small diamond, because I was a college student at the time and had understandably limited income. Still, it served the purpose.

Back in the early 90ís, Cindy inherited a ring from her great aunt. Slightly off color, had an inclusion and a small chip off one of the facets. But it is 1.75 carats. Huge. Had it remounted in a 6 prong mount.

About 10 years ago, the diamond from her original engagement ring fell out. Gone forever. Probably hanging out with the very expensive Bulova watch I got her that Ďfell off someplaceí years ago. Now she wears the inherited ring with her wedding band.

My idea was to get her this new 3 stone anniversary ring to wear with her wedding band, and switch the inherited ring over to her right hand. The anniversary ring would be a replacement for the original engagement ring with the lost stone. Then, way on down the road, she would also have two rings to pass down to daughters-in-law or grandkids, possibly to be engagement rings for them or family heirlooms. Makes good sense, right?

Last night, we went back to the jewelry store to have the rings re-sized, at least thatís what I thought. Turns out, even after all the ďoh, itís beautiful, I love itĒ and ďitís perfect, I love itĒ and ďgee honey, itís gorgeous, I love itĒ, what she really wanted was something that wrapped around the big huge rock she inherited, or even re-mount the rock onto her wedding band and wear the anniversary band next to it.

I wish she had told me this before we got to the jewelry store. I was just stunned. Speechless. Livid. The poor sales person (same one I worked with earlier) could tell I was pissed. Cindy was somehow oblivious. No less than 3 times she asked me what I would like her to do. No less than 3 times I told her I thought she would wear the new ring on her left hand with her wedding band and switch the rock over to her right hand. Each time I said that, she was all ďbut I want to do something with all 3 rings together.Ē Oblivious. Fíin oblivious.

She ended up TRADING IN THE RING I GOT for something that wrapped around that rock, looked completely out of scale with it, and cost an additional 10% above what I already paid. Plus an extra $20 to resize the ring the rock is on, which had already been re-mounted and resized at least once in the past 5 years.

As weíre on our way home, she asked me why I was so upset. She asked my why I never told her what I wanted her to do. I reminded her that I told her what I wanted her to do no less than 3 times, but she went ahead and did what she wanted anyhow. Couldnít be pleased with what she had, had to go and - - I donít think I ever actually finished that thought. Busy driving. Lordy Ė what time to risk road rage. I gotta convert Sportís anti-road rage CD to cassette tape so I can play it in the van. Could come in handy someday. Plus I really like the mix. Thanks again Sport.

But thatís all background. Itís not even what Iím really pissed about. Got home from work a little late Ė maybe 6ish. I had stopped over at her dadís to drop off some paperwork about the banking business weíd done the previous day. She called while I was there, asking if we were going to go to the jewelry store that night. Soon as I do get home, sheís pestering me about going to the jewelry store, before dinner even. (At least the chili was on the stove, simmering, ready to go). Zach wanted some advice on upgrades for a new computer, so I was spending some time with him on line, reviewing options, what was worth adding, what wasnít. Took 20 minutes, but could have taken 15 if the pesterer had left us alone.

Anyhow. Finished up with Zach. Cindy is just itching to leave, so we pile in the van and head out. I should have stopped before we even backed out of the driveway. Donít know how I didnít notice, but she was ripped. That whole exchange at the jewelry store she did drunk. Breathing on the poor sales woman, slurring her speech, droopy eyed, bobbing & weaving like a bad boxer.

Iím not pissed at her for being drunk (well, I am, but thatís a different issue I have to work on.) Iím pissed at myself for not calling the whole thing off until she could do it sober. Soooo stupid of me. Granted, it might be normal to expect ones spouse to still be sober at 6pm on a Wednesday, but that ainít how my spouse operates.

What really tweaked me was when we got home, I went to the kitchen, stirred the chili, noted the kids had eaten. Grabbed a couple of bowls and proceeded to ladle myself a nice, steaming hot bowl of chili. With lots of added red pepper flakes & habanero sauce. Cindy comes back in from smoking, looks at me and says ďWhat, no salad yet?Ē You thought habanero sauce was hot?? Itís too bad the dishwasher was open with the top rack sticking out. Half of the glass that was in there is now in the trash. Oops. At least I didnít break the dishwasher. I had to leave at that point. I only went out back and sat for a while, but my buttons had been pushed way too many times for one day.

Tell you what though Ė that anger fueled a very rigorous workout this morning. Set new highs for distance, speed and calories burned Ė all in the same run. I would try to do a little meditation Ė internalize things, thinking about individual muscles, trying to relax tight areas, etc., but Iíd get only 30 seconds or so into it and my head would change channels and Iíd be thinking about how pissed I was. Frustrating. Iím hoping that at least getting it all down here helps drain it a bit, so I can concentrate on work for the rest of the day.

Time to read my little Al Anon books again too. Meeting tonight Ė gotta figure out how to get something positive to share out of this experience. Anniversary day was so nice, thought I had things pretty well nailed. Hate getting my apple cart upset like this.

I gotta get to work. Think Iíll sneak out to the van and get my gym headphones first. Then Iíll play the anti-road rage CD right here in Dilbertville. Itíll be my little slice of heaven. Thanks Sport. Now you go finish that fence, ok? Donít make me come down there Saturday and finish it for you!! (Might help me burn off a few degrees of pissed offedness though, huh?)

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 185.5 on 8/14/06 (made up for the bad weekend, but still behind)
Next weigh in: 8/14/06

New target Ė 8/22/06 to be at 180 (right)

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marnís Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 8/17/06: 661.26 (5.55 mi./30 min Ė 11.1 mph Ė on foot! Feel the rage!)
Miles with cool down: 727.06
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 60+ miles biking so far.

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