Altering Habits

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We had "The Talk"
2006-10-13, 4:08 p.m.

Day 782 Whoa

Happy Friday the 13th.

Bowling sucked Thursday night. Five splits in one game. Not a record, but plenty bad. Almost drove me to drinking.

After bowling was the interesting part of the evening. Cindy wasn’t 100% sober, but she wasn’t too bad off. Musta ran out of whiskey before she could finish the damage, and the wine that was open was some Italian style stuff we’d used in cooking a while back that she apparently doesn’t care for. Anyhow.

I’d had enough of the silent treatment. I thought 5 days was plenty. Mostly, she was upset because I had ordered out for Chinese Tuesday while she was off chaperoning a school soccer game. Then I had the audacity to get dinner from the local McD0n@lds (I hate that place, but Jill wanted to get some monopoly game pieces for her board) Wednesday night when she was off chaperoning again. We got into this whole discussion about who said what to whom, who was scheduled for what, why did you order out for dinner Tuesday AND Wednesday (while she was chaperoning) and not use the spaghetti sauce she left to thaw in the kitchen sink? (Truthfully? I never saw it till after we got back from McD0n@lds, and I told her that. Plus – we had it last night anyhow.)

All that is just to set the mood. Things really got interesting when she mentioned something about me not getting home till 9:30 Tuesday night. So I told her I was at a meeting. In xxxport (the next town north & west of us). She looked at me funny. Suspicious. Like a “what kind of ‘meeting’ gets you home at 9:30” look.

So I told her. It was an Al Anon meeting. All she did was get pale. That doesn’t look good on a blond, let me tell ya. I added that I also went last week, and most every Thursday evening since her little ‘episode’ in May.

I have delayed in telling her this in part because I feared her reaction. Not for what she’d do to me, but for what she might do to herself. I was NOT prepared for the reaction I got.

I believe the first intelligible thing out of her mouth was “you’ve been going how long and your just now telling me?” She still does not grasp the concept that I’m going NOT because I want to fix her, but to work out my own coping mechanisms. I get the impression she also still thinks there is something I can do to make her stop drinking.

We sat down and talked about a lot of things last night. It revealed to me she is still harboring resentments about things that happened 20+ years ago. She also resents my commitment to going to the gym, or even going for a bike ride. Her attitude is negative about everything. I get blamed for never initiating any couples oriented weekend plans, but she conveniently forgets the times I do suggest things (weekend B&B based wine trail tours, weekend trip to Toronto, long weekend trip to New Orleans to name a few) and she rejects them out of hand. She doesn’t believe a word I say, even when the truth of what I’m saying is staring her back in the face. She’s upset that I haven’t said many positive things about her own weight loss efforts. When I do remind her of some of the positive comments I’ve made, she complains that they were a month ago. Honestly, if she was losing weight fast enough that external changes should be noted every month, that’d be losing too fast. She disagrees with my estimate of how often she’s drunk. Could be her definition of drunk includes passing out in a heap, not just getting to the annoying, stumbling, mumbling pain in the ass mode like she usually does. I told her to ask the kids their impression of her rate of drunkenness if she didn’t believe me. Zach is due home this weekend, I will be sure to nudge a conversation that way. Hell, now that the door is open, I’m going to keep it swinging.

Bottom line? I’m a schmuck, I’m the whole reason she drinks at all, I’m the one that can make her stop, and I’m a shit for not telling her I was going to Al Anon meetings all summer.

She did call the local Alcoholics Anonymous hotline last night, asking where she could find a meeting tonight (Friday). Happens to be a joint AA, Al Anon meeting just a few miles up the road from us tonight at 7:30. My info says that the meetings are at the same time, but it doesn’t say if they are in the same room. In any case, I told her I’d go with her for support, or let her go alone – her choice. She didn’t answer directly, but I’m guessing that she’d prefer to go alone. She also subtly hinted (like a brick to the skull subtle) that I was doing dinner tonight, because she had plans. Hmm.

Overall - not the reaction I expected. Also didn’t expect her to go running off to AA so quickly. Not that it’ll stick or anything, but at least her eyes have opened. At least now I can go to Al Anon meetings with out having to worry about how I’m getting out of the house. Who knows, maybe at some point we’ll be able to do the joint meetings. That’s a long ways off though.

No step aerobics tomorrow. The Y is having an “aerobathon” as a fund raiser for their ‘Invest in Youth’ campaign. I didn’t enter, knowing that 3+ hours at the gym would be looked at harshly. Might still work in a regular workout, even drag Zach along and show him what the old man does for fun. If we’re lucky the local AHL Hockey team is in town and playing over the weekend and we can go catch a game. Surprisingly enough, Cindy likes that kind of stuff. Go figure.

Meat loaf & acorn squash for dinner. Any takers?

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 185 on 10/7/06 (Too much Chinese food made me retain water!)
Next weigh in: 10/14/06

New target – Aim is 180, by Halloween. Getting tougher all the time

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marn’s Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 10/13/06: 800.62 (on target so far)
Miles with cool down: 880.69
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 183 miles biking so far. (183.03 for you choosy mothers)

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old habits - new tricks