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Halting Restart
2006-10-17, 11:48 a.m.

Day 786 Halting Re-start

Aborted attempt at an entry yesterday. Better odds of getting through one today.

Skipped working out this morning. First Tuesday missed in quite a while I think. Just felt blah this morning. Could be due to yesterdays brutal day at work. Left my office twice – once to get coffee, again to hit the facilities and grab lunch. Spent the rest of the day pulling my hair out debugging code. My head hurts. Still chasing little bugs around, but at least I have the majority passed up the chain for the next group to work with.

This mornings ennui could also be sprouting from my usual source of angst. Should have expected this one. Even after Thursday’s little heart to heart talk, there was no visit to an AA meeting the following night. She broke down Saturday and polished off what was left in her booze stash. Didn’t get her blotto, but it did get her to the point where she couldn’t shut up. She was being pleasant and not picking fights, but she was also “checked out” of reality a little bit. Rather disappointed in that. I wrote it off to her not wanting to waste the few ounces of booze she had left.

We did get a lot of errands run Saturday morning – farmers market, weight loss clinic check-in, some b’day shopping for #2, lots of little things. Spent the afternoon helping Zach do the brakes on his car and got all the patio furniture stowed away for the winter. Yay. That was her window of opportunity to empty that last bottle.

Got the brakes done on my van Sunday. Ran out of that mechanics hand de-greaser, so my hands STILL show signs of grease & brake dust two days and 45,197 hand washings later. Worth it though. Brakes operate so much better now.

So yeah, back to the source of the blahs. Yesterday was a rather intense day at work. Made a nice breakthrough, but still – long & tense day. Get home, a little later than usual, find Jill curled up on the couch watching L&O. No Cindy. I hear voices out back on the patio. She’s yakking on the phone with someone (from work it turned out – about office politics). But I can see it in her eyes. They’re all marbly, bloodshot, look like they’re being held open under protest. THAT was disappointing. I know better, but I checked her usual hiding spots and found a freshly opened bottle, down 5 or 6 ounces I’d guess. It’s still there. Resisted the urge to drop it at her feet, right on the concrete patio. Woulda sucked having to clean up all that glass. I maintained a civil attitude – went and prepped a tossed salad for dinner (soup was already on the stove, ready to go). Never mentioned once all night about her drinking. I did, however, maintain my distance once dinner was over. She went to bed early (8:30 early), while I was out playing with our bills & monthly budget (right – budget. Hah!)

Curious development? Cindy’s asking me what time I’ll be home from work tonight. Considering how late I rolled in last night, it’s a fair question. She’s going on to ask about when I’d like to eat dinner, suggesting as late as 7pm. Hmmm. Meeting I want to go to is at 8pm. Dinner at 7 is kind of a crunch. I suggest eating earlier – 6:30-ish. She’s all up in my grizzle, asking why so early. Seeing as we’re having a phone conversation and I’m stuck in my office here in Dilbertville with the 5 foot tall walls – I hem & haw, sort of fudging an answer. She knows I wasn’t offering up the real truth, but I think she’s clueless as to why I’d rather eat sooner. I’ll burn that bridge tonight, while I’m cooking Chicken Parmesan (want some?), then go to my meeting and try to figure how many missteps I’ve made since Thursday. At the very least, I’ll have some developments to share, and might learn some more from other folks experiences.

I gotta go grab some lunch, then go figure out why my laser control is hosed. That’s a bad thing, an out of control laser. Outside of that, I think the rest of the problems belong to the C++ embedded micro guys. I am SO relieved.

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 186 on 10/14/06
Next weigh in: 10/21/06

New target – Aim is 180, by Christmas.

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marn’s Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 10/16/06: 811.22 (on target so far)
Miles with cool down: 892.26
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 183 miles biking so far. (183.03 for you choosy mothers)

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old habits - new tricks