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2006-11-09, 2:14 p.m.

Day 809 TGIT

NaBloPoMo #9

So all the nasty temptations are now gone. No more M&Mís, cookies or little mini Pay Dayís. Unfortunately, they didnít all make it down to the curb with the trash, but at least theyíre gone.

Reaching a saturation level with Cindyís drinking again. Not her drinking again, thatís more of a STILL, if you get my drift. Nope, Iíve kinda reached a local limit of tolerance again. Gets a little frustrating, watching it happen day in and day out. Now itís gotten to the point where sheís so embarrassed about it, she wonít drink in front of me. Instead, sheíll drink as much as she can from the time she gets home until I get home, usually 1 to 2 hours later. It is astounding the amount of damage she can do to herself in 60 minutes. Ability to navigate (walk) in a straight line? Gone. Ability to walk at a normal speed? Gone. Ability to breathe without doing an annoying Ďsniffí every 10 seconds? Gone. Appearance of eyes? Like marbles. Appearance of breath? Like being downwind of a brewery. Ability to speak English? Obliterated. All this accomplished between 4 & 6 pm. Itís not like she has a drink or two to unwind, she tends to drink very large, strong drinks. Sheíll pound them down, apparently trying to hit the ďoffĒ switch in her head. Then sheís pretty much out of it for the rest of the evening. She keeps complaining that we never go anywhere, to which I respond, ďHoney, where are we going to go when youíre shitfaced at 6pm on a Monday evening? (Or noon on a Saturday, or so hungover on a Sunday your hair hurts? Itís all the same.) She doesnít seem to see that as a problem.

Maybe I need to go vent this spleen at another meeting this week. Iím sure I could find one tonight, I know where thereís one tomorrow night, and I know where I can get to one Sunday. If this defeated feeling doesnít lift soon, I may have to start taking advantage of these other groups. Probably ought to seriously consider starting to work those steps too. And getting a sponsor. Alison Ė you interested? Might be good for both of us. I think Iím only half kidding too.

Bowling tonight. Woo-hoo! Bowling against my cousins team tonight. Weíre right about the same age, and my mom always got along really well with his mom (thatíd be a SIL to my mom, but sheís got 20+ BIL & SIL all told, so itís hard to keep score sometimes), so itís likely sheíll be stopping by tonight and watching for a few. Itíll be good to get her out of the house for a while too. Monday was the 13th anniversary of Dadís passing, but today is the 13th anniversary of putting him to rest. Still a very bittersweet day. Heh, five of us with the same surname gathered in public. Figures itíd be either a bowling alley or euchre tournament.

Seem to have the bugs worked out of the current incarnation of my programmable device. Really ought to go write up the design documentation and get the release notes ready. Cool thing is that typing this looks the same as doing that (real work) and I really, really hate doing up the release notes. Ugly work, with a capital Ugh.

Pretty good workout this morning. Didnít set any records for distance or calories, but the combination of the two was up there pretty good. Have this funky thing going on where the outer half of my right foot goes numb after 10 minutes or so. Think itís related to an old ligament tear I did a few years ago. Have a doctors appointment coming up next week, Iíll have to be sure to bring that up. Matter of fact, I saw Dr. B for that same injury back when it happened. Maybe I can get a referral to a podiatrist and get some imaging done of the foot, see whatís cooking in there. Itís not painful, just kinda weird feeling. Doesnít seem to manifest itself doing step aerobics or running outdoors, only on the elliptical or treadmill. Hmmmm.

Oh yeah, that Dr.ís appointment. I need to go back and check, but I think this marks a year off the BP & Cholesterol meds. Just took my BP here at the zoo and it was stuck around 123/75 (not bad, but Iíd like that 123 to be a little lower. Must be stressing about something. Wonder what?) Cholesterol, I have no clue. Was down in the 150 Ė 160 range a while back Ė with no meds. Probably get to work with a newbie doc as Dr. B likes to give med students a chance to interact with actual live human beings. Since I have no real medical problems, Iím happy to oblige. Dr. B herself usually stops in at the end to review what the student has done and ask if I have any other questions.

This time, I may seriously take her up on it. The other questions bit. With or without the med student. (This could be a golden opportunity for the student, really). Might tell Dr. B that Iím attending Al Anon, then tell her why. I did have an appointment with her about 2 weeks after Cindyís melt down (May 8 or 9 for those interested). Once we had reviewed all my stuff, Dr. B asked me if I had any other questions, and her eyebrows seemed to be asking WTF was up with Cindy (Dr. B is also Cindyís GP doc) I didnít bite then, but my recent frustration and tolerance saturation might tip the scales.

I worry though. Would that be meddling? Well, it would be, but is it the hurtful kind? I donít think so. Sure there is doctor patient privilege, but I wouldnít be violating that. Instead, Iíd be providing a doctor with information, important information, that the patient may be omitting. Cindy & Dr. B have had several interactions since, mostly dealing with Cindyís blood clot and her D-Con treatment (Coumadin is also known as warfarin, which is the active ingredient in the mouse poison D-Con). Somehow I think the events of May 8 have been glossed over. Granted, I have no direct evidence either way, but if Cindy canít be honest with me or herself about her drinking, how can I expect her to fess up to a relative stranger?

Would Cindy get pissed at me (again)? Probably. No, not probably, certainly. Absolutely. Sheís see it as meddling. I see it as providing her health care provider with the truth. Every time I get to what seems like a conclusion, I come up with another ďbut . . .Ē. This is making it difficult to settle on a decision. I have a week to meditate on this, then itís shit or get off the pot time. Got to spend some time reading my little mini-tomes too. Might find some guidance in them. Anybody out there have $0.02 to pitch in, feel free.

p.s. - (You know whatís going to happen? Iíll make up my mind to tell Dr. B. Iíll get started down the path and sheíll hold up her hand and say that she canít hear that from me. All this agonizing about what to do and the Dr. B will be the one with the final say. Typical.)

p.p.s. Ė (Does that make my decision for me? Go ahead and drop a load on Dr. B and let her sort it out? Nah, thereís too much martyrdom to be had in fretting over this.)

p.p.p.s Ė yes, I have a female doctor. If I have to have anyone stick anything . . . up there . . . Iíd just as soon it was someone with small fingers. I know itís nothing compared to a womanís annual gyn visit, but the hoo-haw is designed to spit out entire babies, that thing on the other side of the taint, ainít.

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 186 on 11/4/06 (Ugly rut to be in)
Next weigh in: 11/11/06

New target Ė Aim is 180, by Christmas. Better get it in gear.

The Keep on Truckin goal: (miles piled up on elliptical trainers and/or running)
Miles at speed 11/8/06: 899.09
Miles with cool down: 989.11
Target for 2006: 1000 miles

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old habits - new tricks