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Another Comment Answer
2006-12-13, 6:18 p.m.

Day 843 Another Comment Answer

Did it again. I was going to leave this as a reply in the comments section, then it started to get a leeetle bit long (again), so it got promoted to actually entry status.

Anyhow, hereís the reply:

Started this earlier then had to abandon it for some pesky work related thing. So here goes again.

The way I am interpreting what I've read is that there is nothing I can physically do to make the alcoholic stop drinking. In fact, my efforts in that vein are unhealthy for me, and do no good for the alcoholic. This program is meant to take my focus off the drunk (tall order there) and make me focus on myself and fix my own shortcomings (plenty to choose from)

In correcting my own shortcomings, it will bring serenity and peace of mind to me - regardless of what the alcoholic consciously or unconsciously does to irritate me.

I think the idea is also to lead by example. Well, that, and to learn to not be an enabler. Let them suffer the consequences of their decisions & actions. That can be difficult, because the collateral damage can be far reaching (DWI, auto insurance, court costs, lost time at work, etc.) Fortunately, we haven't suffered that, yet. At some point, the alcoholic will hit bottom. By then, they're either dead, or they decide it's finally time to clean up. But until they make the conscious decision to get sober, they won't have the resolve to battle the demons every single day, forever.

How long to wait for them to reach bottom is a whole different question. Can only be answered by those in the hot seat. I'm not ready to pack it in just yet, but there are certain areas where the frustration level is reaching critical mass.

On a separate note, I do still like to have a beer every now & again. Iíve mentioned this here before, how I appear to have become a beer snob, only drinking craft brewed, high quality beers, stouts & ales. Matter of fact, I have a case of some high quality brew chilling out in the garage right now. Had the case for about 3 weeks and have had 3 beers.

In the event that Cindy decides to go dry, those beers will be donated to my favorite beer drinking buddies, my brothers. Theyíll take good care of them and make sure they are properly enjoyed. I donít think Iím in any danger of having to make that donation just yet though. The denial is strong in my petite little dynamo, and I doubt sheís ready to admit fully that she needs help. Superficially, she knows she drinks too much, but A.) she blames me for it, B.) she doesnít see it as a problem since she can still get up for work every day and C.) she thinks itís none of my damn business. Denial I tell ya.

So I will continue to have my one, very rich, very dark beer a week and enjoy the bejeebers out of it. If & when she goes dry, so will I, as a show of support.

On the other hand, once her father passes and my commitments to him are satisfied (health care proxy, power of attorney & executor of his estate), I will take stock of the situation. If I see no signs of improvement, it may well be time to devise an exit strategy while Iím still young enough to enjoy all that life has to offer. Thatís one huge question mark though. In spite of the inexorably advancing dementia, the man is pretty darn healthy in a physical sense. A little arthritis in the knees and heís taking blood pressure medicine, but really, thatís it. He could go on for years yet. So I need to learn my program, work it thoroughly and get my head set straight. If Cindy wants to join me, fine. If not, I plan to be ready for that too (Maybe plan a trip to north Texas, eh?).

Another great workout this morning. Beat the tar out of my legs. Feel it a bit even now, 12 hours later. Iíll do an easy one tomorrow, then itís bowling night. Zach will also be home Thursday night. Friday morning Iím dragging his sorry butt to the gym, thrash him about the treadmill & Nautilus gear for a while, then weíll head off to Syracuse to empty out his dorm. Got a little side trip to Manlius planned too, to pick up an old painting Cindyís mom did.

Kind of bypassing the elliptical trainers in favor of the treadmills. Oddly enough, my right foot feels much better taking the beating of the treadmill vs the lighter work it gets on the ellipticals. Canít figure why, but if it doesnít hurt, it must be good, no?

Time to start dinner. Beef pizzaiola tonight, with oven roasted asparagus and oven roasted potatoes. No sign of Cindy yet, but dinner will take 45 minutes Ė probably plate it right at 7pm. She knows to expect dinner by then. I just hope sheís stuck at work and not drowning her sorrows in some bar. Find out later I guess.

Later dudes & dudettes.

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