Altering Habits

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30 Months Nicotine Free
2007-02-22, 4:28 p.m.

Day 914

Getting back to what this whole journal thingy was started for, today at 7pm (after bowling) will mark the 30th month my body hasn’t had to endure the torture of smoking a cigarette. To celebrate, I ran my ass off this morning.

Since it was a non-spinning day, I got to the Y later than usual even, decided to just get in a run this morning. Normally, when treading on the mill, I do the first “lap” (1/4 mile) at a slightly faster pace, then back it down to my normal pace for what ever distance I’m trying to run that morning. This morning, instead of backing it down after the first lap, I kept the belt at a whopping 8mph for the first 1.25 miles, then backed it down to 7.5mph for a while. Still didn’t know how far I wanted to run this morning, but after barely over a mile, there was time to decide. At 2 miles, I bumped the speed up another tenth. Gave it another tenth at 2.5 miles. By 2.8-ish miles I had it back up to 8mph, figured I’d hold on and see what kind of 5k (3.12 miles) I could get. Going for broke, I stuck it at 9mph for the last 1/8 mile (that’s almost like running or something) and wrapped up the 5k in just under 24 minutes. Officially 43 seconds faster than the previous best. Best part is that at my dainty weight, that consumes right around 500 calories (or 1 PB & honey sammich at 10pm). What the heck is it that make you run so much better some days? Yesterday I was almost a full minute slower over the same distance, and I did a legs weight session afterwards. So why did I run so much better this morning, huh?

Today also would have been my parents 49th anniversary, had dear old dad been able to stay with us this long. Saturday would have been his 72nd birthday too. Can’t imagine him being that old, after seeing how he was at 58 when we lost him. Better call mom tonight too. No doubt she’s thinking about it. To think, I’m only 10 years younger than he was when he died and I’m approaching the best shape I’ve been in in over 30 years. Thanks for the lesson Dad. See ya again someday, but not too soon, okay? Just save me a seat at your Euchre table.

Maria – I sent some info on beef briskets to what I think is your regular email addy. I think. If you don’t see anything soon, ping me again and I’ll just post it here.

Cindy’s been perusing my Al Anon books. I have two of the daily readers that are littered with little post its, labeled with topic headings – detachment, boundaries, THINK – just marking passages that have some meaning to me. Well. There was a particular passage in “Courage to Change”, page 280 (Oct. 6) that must have struck me just right that day. On a little post it I wrote “for xxxxxx, re-type & send” I’m thinking xxxxxx (a human of the female persuasion I’m on friendly terms with) was going through a rough patch and I thought that particular passage applied to her situation. Of course, Cindy saw the post it. I don’t know when for sure, but she brought it up after my meeting Tuesday night. Had the book with me then, so she read it sometime before that. Had to drag the book out of my (briefcase, attaché, satchel?) to read it. Kind of surprised I never noticed.

At any rate, I don’t mind that Cindy took an interest in the books. It’s kind of a good thing. But upon seeing that post it note, I think her mind went straight to “affair”, do not pass “GO” do not collect $200. I only think this because when I walked in from my meeting Tuesday evening, she went straight for the throat. “So how’s xxxxxxx?” My own reply was a question. At the time I had no clue what she was talking about. Then she got to telling me about seeing a post it note in one of the “new books” I got. So I went to get my two newest books (but not the copy of Catcher in the Rye I just got) and showed her the startling lack of post it’s in them. Of course, those weren’t the books she was referring to and I was accused of ‘pretending to not know’. Wasn’t until Wednesday morning that I finally figured out WTF she was talking about.

So it’s been a wee bit icy around here lately, in spite of temps in the upper 30’s and even lower 40’s!! if it weren’t for the foot and a half of snow still on the ground (really!) I’d whip out the shorts and bike and go for a ride. Maybe next month.

Looks like there’s another one of those ‘talks’ coming up again, and soon. If Cindy is going to fly off the handle every time I speak a word to another woman, she’s going to get tired of flying. What’s funny to me is that xxxxxx is a reader here and is someone I’ve never met in person, let alone swapped DNA with. For what ever reason (lack of trying, sense of decency?) I’ve never had an affair in 25+ years of marriage, although I’ve been accused several times. Cindy will never be able to prove I’ve had one, and I may never be able to prove to her I haven’t. How do you prove a negative? It comes down to trust, and right now she doesn’t trust me one little tiny bit.

If she’s not drinking tonight, we can have our talk soon as I get home. Good possibility of that too. She hasn’t really had anything to drink since Saturday when we were at her cousins wake. Of course, in front of her extended family, she kept things under control. Since then – I think she’s been ok, but I’m trying to not pay too much attention. But then how on earth am I supposed to acknowledge the fact that she’s been dry for some period of time? That’s what she wants to hear – some positive feedback. I need to do that, and NOW.

Well, off to bowling. Back to the old form, start with the ball lower and see if that helps keep the speed down. Let you know tomorrow.

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old habits - new tricks