Altering Habits

Sponsor My Ride!!

Scotty's Place





2007-06-15, 10:29 p.m.

Day 1027

There’s another one from Friday back behind this one.

This is odd. I have good news bated breath.

We were going to go out to dinner tonight. Wait for the boys to get home, then go out and grab a fish fry somewhere. But. Always a but. Cindy beat me home by 15 – 20 minutes. Had 4/5 of her first drink gone already. Made another. Started on it.

We went about our business here at the ranch. Feeding the fish, getting the lawn & gardens watered, killing time waiting for the kidlets to get home.

Zach got stuck in traffic on I90 coming home from Syracuse. That delayed him, but nothing terrible. He’d be home by 7:30. Cindy was working hard on #3 by then. I’d made up my mind I wasn’t going out to eat. We’d call for takeout somewhere. If we got her out in public, she’d fall down a stair (done it 3x already – at restaurants), try to wobble to the rest room 4 times in 30 minutes, and just in general be a pain in the ass to be out with. So take out it was.

Zach got home, we called in our order, we 3 guys sat out on the patio shooting the breeze while we waited for dinner to be ready. Cindy was busy on the computer. Actually, she was already at work while I was getting her dinner order from her. I noticed she was perusing an AA web site. I buttoned my lip, pretended to not notice and got her order like a good little waiter.

Later in the evening (like 30 minutes ago) I saw a note in the kitchen: AA 4:30 Sat.

That’s the good news.

After Cindy takes 3+ minutes to pour herself up the stairs (seriously. 3 minutes. The gyro’s were straining to maintain equilibrium the whole way), I popped back on the computer to do a little history browsing. (Bad, I know, I shouldn’t be so damn nosy. But I had to know) Basically figured out which meeting she was going to.

The bated breath part? In the picture below (please ‘scuse the messy desk. A clean desk is a sign of a dirty mind y’know) that’s a 17 inch monitor. That mug? That’s what Cindy makes her drinks in. 22 oz. That’s my cell phone next to it for an extra size reference.

When she was looking up those meetings, she was working on her 4th or 5th drink in a 3 hour period. Oh – her mix starts with about 1/2 of that jug filled with whiskey & ice, then it’s topped off with ginger ale. That is her medicine of choice. It’s no small wonder her gyro’s had to work hard to get her up those stairs in one piece.

Now. I have to find something to do tomorrow afternoon. Maybe. If Cindy wants support, I want to be here to offer it. If she wants to be left alone, I want her to know I’m still here to support her. If she REALLY wants to be left alone, I’ll go for a bike ride or something. Lord knows I can disappear on that thing for a few hours.

I just don’t want to attach too much hope to her even going. She’s gone as far as looking up meetings before. But I think the slow isolation, the lack of meaningful contact is starting to get through to her. No one wants to be around her when she’s drinking, drunk or hung over. Maybe she’s noticing? I hope so, but I don’t want to invest a lot of emotion in that. Just let it be what it wants to be and deal with it.

I really need an extra bike ride tomorrow. That peanut butter & honey sammich was good, but the extra calories are going to make my bike shorts harder to fit into. Maybe classes at the Y tomorrow and an outdoor spin in the pm? Could work.

I gotta go cross my fingers.

If you use a pop-up blocker, hit "Ctrl" when you click to leave a comment


old habits - new tricks