Addendum
2007-06-15, 10:29 p.m.

Day 1027

There�s another one from Friday back behind this one.

This is odd. I have good news bated breath.

We were going to go out to dinner tonight. Wait for the boys to get home, then go out and grab a fish fry somewhere. But. Always a but. Cindy beat me home by 15 � 20 minutes. Had 4/5 of her first drink gone already. Made another. Started on it.

We went about our business here at the ranch. Feeding the fish, getting the lawn & gardens watered, killing time waiting for the kidlets to get home.

Zach got stuck in traffic on I90 coming home from Syracuse. That delayed him, but nothing terrible. He�d be home by 7:30. Cindy was working hard on #3 by then. I�d made up my mind I wasn�t going out to eat. We�d call for takeout somewhere. If we got her out in public, she�d fall down a stair (done it 3x already � at restaurants), try to wobble to the rest room 4 times in 30 minutes, and just in general be a pain in the ass to be out with. So take out it was.

Zach got home, we called in our order, we 3 guys sat out on the patio shooting the breeze while we waited for dinner to be ready. Cindy was busy on the computer. Actually, she was already at work while I was getting her dinner order from her. I noticed she was perusing an AA web site. I buttoned my lip, pretended to not notice and got her order like a good little waiter.

Later in the evening (like 30 minutes ago) I saw a note in the kitchen: AA 4:30 Sat.

That�s the good news.

After Cindy takes 3+ minutes to pour herself up the stairs (seriously. 3 minutes. The gyro�s were straining to maintain equilibrium the whole way), I popped back on the computer to do a little history browsing. (Bad, I know, I shouldn�t be so damn nosy. But I had to know) Basically figured out which meeting she was going to.

The bated breath part? In the picture below (please �scuse the messy desk. A clean desk is a sign of a dirty mind y�know) that�s a 17 inch monitor. That mug? That�s what Cindy makes her drinks in. 22 oz. That�s my cell phone next to it for an extra size reference.

When she was looking up those meetings, she was working on her 4th or 5th drink in a 3 hour period. Oh � her mix starts with about 1/2 of that jug filled with whiskey & ice, then it�s topped off with ginger ale. That is her medicine of choice. It�s no small wonder her gyro�s had to work hard to get her up those stairs in one piece.

Now. I have to find something to do tomorrow afternoon. Maybe. If Cindy wants support, I want to be here to offer it. If she wants to be left alone, I want her to know I�m still here to support her. If she REALLY wants to be left alone, I�ll go for a bike ride or something. Lord knows I can disappear on that thing for a few hours.

I just don�t want to attach too much hope to her even going. She�s gone as far as looking up meetings before. But I think the slow isolation, the lack of meaningful contact is starting to get through to her. No one wants to be around her when she�s drinking, drunk or hung over. Maybe she�s noticing? I hope so, but I don�t want to invest a lot of emotion in that. Just let it be what it wants to be and deal with it.

I really need an extra bike ride tomorrow. That peanut butter & honey sammich was good, but the extra calories are going to make my bike shorts harder to fit into. Maybe classes at the Y tomorrow and an outdoor spin in the pm? Could work.

I gotta go cross my fingers.

If you use a pop-up blocker, hit "Ctrl" when you click to leave a comment