Altering Habits

Sponsor My Ride!!

Scotty's Place





Finally got a Ride
2007-07-23, 6:11 p.m.

Day 1065

2 years, 11 months and 1 day without a smoke. Yesterday, to celebrate, I pedaled my ass across Monroe & Genesee counties. When I was looking at weather reports for Sunday, the wind was supposed to be out of the NNW at 5 – 10 mph. This is key, because I generally like to start out headed west. It happens to be generally uphill going that way (climbing out of the Genesee River drainage basin) and I’d rather go uphill & upwind early in the ride. Makes sense, right?

Well, I made it to the far west corner of my chosen route. Didn’t seem to be much of any wind along the way. Until I turned the corner in Elba (ere I saw Elba – we really do have a town by that name around here – farm country.) and found that there was a nice 10mph breeze out of the NNE.

That was really a bummer. I had been cruising along at almost 18mph, thinking that I was going to have a downwind run home and might finish the 60 mile loop averaging near 18. But noooo. The breeze made all the uphills seem a little worse and made the few, but long, downhill sections seem more like flat road. To add to my frustration, I wasn’t exactly sure where I was headed for a bit. I’d only gone this route once before and I had taken a map and cue sheet. Sunday? Not so much. Figured I’d remember where I had to go when I saw where I was. That might have worked, but I even started the route differently, so when I circled back, things looked a little different. There was a brief period of “where the hell am I” as I passed through Byron, unsure if I was supposed to take that turn on 237 South or not. Ended up staying the course and heading into the wind, figuring I’d run into a major north/south route I was familiar with sooner or later.

Turns out I did. Made it home even. Elapsed time was not what I had hoped, but no worse than my first time out on that loop. No flats either!! Tell you what though. When you haven’t ridden for a few weeks, 60 miles is a long trip. My sitter bones are feeling it. One other thing – I have GOT to switch over to drop handle bars. The flat bars are killing my hands. My pinkies & ring fingers are still tingly, and it’s been nearly 24 hours since I finished. I constantly change my hand position, but there’s nothing close to a natural, relaxed position I can find. Maybe that’ll be my winter project – locate and procure the necessary parts. Handle bars are cheap. It’s the shifters/brake handles that are the killer. Ebay will be my friend.

Outside of that lovely, torturous ride, the weekend was unspeakable. I got nothing but the silent treatment all weekend. That’s rough when there’s only the two of us around all weekend. I’m sure she was bothered by what Eric said to her, but didn’t want to bring it up with me. On the plus side? She had nothing to drink since Friday night. I think. On the negative side? She’s an ornery dry drunk. Wish I could move that counseling session up a week. Have to make do with Al Anon & sponsors.

Now that all the kiddies are back in the nest, I really want to pull Eric aside and find out just what he said to Cindy Friday evening, and get his read on her immediate reaction. Of course, she was pretty polluted at the time, so her reaction was probably dulled somewhat. Her memory of the event is probably also not the best. Regardless, it did earn me 48+ hours of suhweet sullenness, so something must have gotten through. At least, I’d like to think she was ruminating on the situation the entire weekend and not plotting how to get my life insurance to pay off.

Everyone in the house, with the exception of Jill, has now blown up at Cindy at one time or another in the last year. Unfortunately, she was drunk every time. No penetration of the gray matter to be had. Perhaps it’s time we had that “family meeting” aired things out. Use it as a boundary setting session. I just don’t want it to come out as “you quit drinking, everything will be rosy”, because that isn’t going to happen. The Al Anon point of view is that she “needs a program”, especially after quitting. My surrogate mom, Stell, calls all non-AA or non-Al Anon folks “earth people”, and the rest of us “have a program” (or are trying to).

Seven weeks till the fall convention, which technically, is happening in the summer. That leaves me about six weeks to tell Cindy about it. This weekend didn’t seem like the most opportune time. I hope an opportune moment does show up between now & then. In the interest of being totally honest with her about the situation, I should just tell her tonight. Unless she’s under the influence again. Might just have to tell her anyhow. I keep waiting for that perfect moment of clarity for communicating these things, and in the end, nothing gets said.

I keep going back and reading how to handle these situations, and all the advice is to not bring it up. Let the drinker broach the subject. Bringing up the convention might be a good way to segue into the situation. If I wait for Cindy to bring up the subject, I’ll run out of sane brain cells.

As I look around the Al Anon meeting rooms, I can inventory folks. (Not take their inventories. That’d be bad.) I total up how many have alcoholics as a spouse, parent, sibling, child, other relative, co-worker or any combination. Of those that have or had an alcoholic spouse, the majority of them are divorced. Some have serially married alcoholic after alcoholic and finally broken free. Many have married recovering drinkers. Several are currently in separation, working hard at getting divorced. Through it all, most seem content with where they are now – even those going through the early stages of separation, because they know the worst is behind them. I know of one person living with an actively drinking spouse, but they have done a marvelous job of defining boundaries and have found a way to maintain their serenity. I look to this person as an example, because they’ve shown that it is possible to live with active alcoholic and do well. They are the picture of serenity – unflappable. I’d love to be like that if I grow up.

Skipped the gym this morning. With my sitter bones still achy, it didn’t seem like a wise idea to hit up a spin class. Actually, this whole month has been off workout wise. Just seem to be running low on energy. Personally, I think it’s another manifestation of the frustration I’m feeling. This counseling thing might be just the ticket.

Remind me to look up obsessing in my readings too. Geeze. Pretty bad, isn’t it?

If you use a pop-up blocker, hit "Ctrl" when you click to leave a comment


old habits - new tricks