Altering Habits

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Need Sound Effects
2007-07-30, 1:16 p.m.

Day 1072

Too bad I don’t know how to link in sound effects. You’ve all seen the WWII style movies, with the American planes tied up in dogfights with their adversaries? At some point, a plane takes enough hits that it loses control and you hear the drone of the engine slowly change over to a frenzied scream as the plane streaks towards the ground. Except that in this case, we’re not talking about an old Corsair or Zero plummeting to it’s fiery end. Nope.

Metaphorically speaking, Cindy crashed yesterday. Big boom, flames, smoke, lots of sirens. Physically speaking – she got thoroughly trashed. Then, while I was cleaning up from the dinner she didn’t bother to eat, she was trying to bring a load of her dad’s laundry upstairs. Managed to put the laundry basket on the top step, lost her balance and went ass over tea kettle back down the stairs. Her Dad saw the whole thing. He was terrified.

I made it down stairs in about 0.3 seconds. Took a quick assessment of things on my way down. In that weird way where God watches over babies & drunks, she was pretty much unhurt. Everything wiggled where it should, everything pointed where it should. No external bleeding, no apparent knock on the head. The paneling on the basement wall has a new (bigger) dent from someone’s head, but at least she whacked it between the furring strips, where it has some give. I expect that she’s got some whopper bruises this morning. Not sure though, because after 3 hours of talking, crying and arguing last night, we seem to be not talking much to one another. Again.

At the very least she did manage to fess up about going to AA meetings. She’s declared that she’d like to get her life back. She recognizes that her drinking is driving everyone away, and now she’s at risk of alienating even her immediate family. Personally, if she tells me to fuck off one more time this week, I may. It was all I could do last night to keep myself from just imploding. She tried pushing every button at her disposal except one – she at least didn’t blame her drinking on me. This time. Instead she chose to blame her parents. That didn’t sit well with The Bob, but he’s new at this game. I’m bringing him up to speed on the new rules as quick as I can, but his memory issues are going to make that difficult. The issue is important enough to him that he will make the extra effort, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough. I hope I can get him to a sort of interested bystander status, rather than thinking he can just go tell his daughter what to do. Three hours of trying last night and I still had to drag him outside to take him home.

Should have gone downstairs to sleep last night too. Cindy was up & down all night long. Even just lying in bed, she had to fidget. At one point, I got up, had my gym bag packed, clothes for today ready, and was ready to head downstairs. Unfortunately, I thought that Cindy might get the impression I was up & leaving if I took all that gear, so I reconsidered and went back to bed. Consequently, didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and as a direct result, skipped the gym this morning too. Got a lovely case of dragon ass today, with the prospect of more ‘talking’ into the wee hours tonight. Oh joy.

About Ms. CL. Really, we’re sticking to a “just friends” relationship. She’s still actively pursuing someone eligible for a more full, intimate relationship. Although based on the reports she provides about how things are going, I may well become eligible myself before she finds what she’s looking for. Until that time though, we’ll just have to sit on opposite ends of the couch. No footsie either.

Man I’m tired. Got work begging to be done, tomorrow nights meeting to prepare for (oh, have I got shit to share this week!) and that counseling session Wednesday. The focus of that is still to get my head straight, but I might use it to see about some couples sessions too. Can’t hurt, right?

Worst part is I'm not sure just what I'll be going home to tonight. Contrition & apologies? Downright hostility? More indifference? Who's cooking dinner? Inquiring minds want to know!! Someone go home and find out for me. If you're relly interested in helping out, email me and I'll send you the address. Hazardous duty pay is also on the table here folks.

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old habits - new tricks