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Different Kind of Night
2007-08-30, 1:08 p.m.

Day 1103

When the cats away . . .

Another night that didnít go as planned, but turned out pretty good in spite of the lack of decent planning.

Cindy spent the evening chaperoning at a soccer tournament. I spent the evening ďoutĒ. We both had a good time.

The tiniest germ of a plan is starting to formulate in the depths of what was my brain. Itís a compromise plan right now, but so far itís the only one that seems to address the major points that have come up thus far. There is still risk involved. There will always be risk involved. Of course, this plan is also subject to change as a result of events that are out of my control. Iím not going to try and anticipate each and every possible outcome, but I will be prepared to adapt. I only need to plan far enough ahead to make sure there is another door to open.

With that said Ė it looks like Iíll be trying to stick it out for the near term. I have a promise to Bob to look after his affairs Ė through to executing his will. Iím afraid that splitting with Cindy might cause Cindy & her brother (W) to re-do the power of attorney, health care proxy and executorship provisions. Cindy would do fine at running her Dadís affairs, she just lacks the confidence. W? Iím afraid heíd bleed Bob dry, leaving precious little for Bobís grandkids (our kids). In the Will itself, I get nothing but the responsibility of being executor. Bobís estate is to pass to his kids (Cindy & W) or their (our) kids in the event Bob outlasts either Cindy or W. Frankly? I think Iíll outlast all 3 of them. Theyíre are all overweight, donít exercise near enough (if at all), all smoke, and one of them has a little problem with the booze. At least Iíll know that my own kids will benefit in the end.

The one thing that could change it all? Lack of progress. I am tired of being denied some of the simpler pleasures in life (partnership, intimacy, companionship) because Cindy has to spend her evenings wasted. She has 4 straight days of chaperoning to do. Theoretically, she should be stone cold sober for it. I will have to trust that she is. If she isnít Ė itíll be up to someone at the school to take action on it. Then sheíll have to face the consequences. Alone.

Enough of that morbid crap. Skipped the gym this morning. Again. Seem to have tweaked a hip flexor yesterday morning. Got up out of me office chair and all of a sudden couldnít put any weight on my right leg. Hip joint was on fire. It settled down after a minute or so, but was really sore for the rest of the day. Even this morning it was still a little tender. Rather than beat it up on a treadmill, I decided to forego the morning sweat and rest it. Friday is another spin session. The lack of real pounding will be a safe intro to working out again. (Suuuurrrre. Weíre all buying THAT load of tripe Ė right?)

Got a call from my therapist this morning. Apparently 7am appointment on a Friday isnít sitting well with her. Sheís offered up 4pm today. Like in 3 hours. I was hoping to use tonight to prepare, but maybe itíll be ok to just shoot from the hip. Heh. Itíll have to be ok. I do have one nagging question to ask. I know the right answer, I know the answer I want to hear, and I know how far apart those answers are. Not good.

We (I) had tried to nail down some method for determining ďwhen itís overĒ. That led to Cindy & I having that long talk last Friday. Since then, sheís been civil but not companionable. Then thereís the nights sheís been sneaking drinks and gets into the Gabby McTalkalot mode. A faÁade of friendliness spouting forth from a besotted mind. Does she think no one notices? If it happens again, should I call her on it, on the spot? Sheíll just deny that sheís been drinking and try to hide it even more. Maybe thereís more to talk about there too.

Aw hell. I have work to do before I escape for today. Better go get something accomplished.

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old habits - new tricks