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The Aftermath or Not Sleeping with the Fishies
2007-09-18, 12:43 p.m.

Day 1121

Hi Circe!!

Well, survived the weekend. Was allowed to actually enter my house and stay there when I got home. No dead bodies lying around, no people missing, nobodyís personal possessions tossed out on the front yard. Big let down, I know.

The Al Anon assembly was quite an experience. Only have 5 more to do before my tenure is over. Ought to be quite a blast. Met some local reps, met plenty of other folks from all over the state. Took 6 Ė 8 pages of notes that I need to be able to relate to my home group in 5 minute segments. Also got a better idea of that a GR (my position) is supposed to do. Nothing overwhelming, just didnít realize some folks took it so seriously.

Through out the entire weekend, I got 3 communiquťs from home. Well, one from home, two from Eric in Fredonia. First one was from Eric. Seems Cindy left him a message Saturday morning. He was trying to get in touch with her to clear up some questions he had. He called me around lunch time maybe, asking if I knew Cindyís where abouts. I reminded him I was in Syracuse. He agreed to keep trying to contact her through out the day and let me know later in the day if he had any success.

At 8pm or so (I forget when exactly, and I erased all my phones message details) Eric lets me know he had no luck contacting his mother. Sweet. Finally, about 10:30 my phone rings again Ė but I was damn near sleeping. Got to it in time to find out I had a voicemail from Cindy. Called her back, all she wanted to know is when Iíd be back Sunday. Interesting to note that she sounded drunk in the message she left, and she sounded drunk when I talked to her (a whole minute later). Her speech was halting, like she was trying to make sure she was enunciating properly. She almost was, if it werenít for the odd cadence caused by her concentrating so hard on speaking.

Damn. Just lost a half page of thought. Hit some funky keystroke sequence that just made word up & die with no saving or hope of recovery.

Lets just let it suffice to say that while at an AA meeting Saturday evening Cindy finally learned a lesson about holding resentments. Itís weird though, Sunday afternoon she told me about being at that meeting Saturday evening and finally understanding how holding resentments only hurts the person holding them, not the object of the ire. But less than 3 hours after her epiphany, she leaves me a voicemail while obviously under the influence. While Iím glad sheís figured out the dealie with anger and holding on to it too long (Itís ok to be angry sometimes. Things happen that piss you off. Canít be helped. Itís not ok to be angry about something for 12 years when everyone else involved is long past over it.), she seems to be struggling with the part where I said: ďIím tired of dealing with you when youíre drunk. Iím tired of wondering what condition youíll be in when I get home. Iím tired of you lying to me and yourself about how much youíre drinking. Iím tired of dealing with your drinking period. Choose. Drink or work on our problems. Your continued drinking will prevent me from wanting to work on anything else.Ē Less than 48 hours after I say all that she leaves me a drunken voice mail? (I saved it for her to listen to)

Was there anything there to misunderstand? Only problem was that she was in some form of diminished capacity when we had that talk.

I think she got yet another new AA style book. This morning (or last night) she left it and her Big Book out on the kitchen table. There are a couple more books left out in the family room. An ostentatious display of how good sheís being. It still seems like so much lip service, especially considering the voicemail she left.

You didnít know it, but I took a break right there for about a day. Pesky work issues just kickin my butt. Back to our story:

Zach called me yesterday morning. After he sent 2 emails. Heís plenty upset with Cindy. Weíre supposed to be heading to Jillís parents on Saturday for a little dinner get together. Itíll be combining a couple of things. One is a birthday celebration for Jill (23 years old Ė woo-hoo!!) and I guess a thanks to us for housing her for a year while she went to school. Plus, weíve never been down to visit their neck of the woods. As Zach and I negotiated the date, I reminded him several times to run things past Cindy.

Now. I suppose that itís in the interests of trying to communicate more fully, but Cindy has actually posted a schedule of her activities on our kitchen bulletin board. On it, she shows that sheís tied up with chaperoning school homecoming events both Friday night and Saturday afternoon. I thought I was reminding her about our pending trip to Jillís folks house Saturday, but she acted like it was the first sheíd heard of it. Zachís emails were voicing frustration over the fact that heís positive he told her about plans for that day at least 3 times. When Zach talked to Cindy Monday morning, she denied ever being told about it.

I spent a long time on the phone with Zach calming him down and trying to work out alternative plans. Turns out Cindy will try to get a sub for the chaperoning gig on Saturday. Shouldnít be too hard Ė it pays $75 or so for a few hours standing around. Tough job.

Still. According to Zach, he initially told Cindy about this over a month ago, and has reminded her a couple of times since then. All things considered, I trust Zachís memory a lot more than Cindyís at this point. Especially considering her little space out of my telling her I was going to that Assembly last weekend. Her drinking is causing spotty memory or blackouts. Are we trying to tell her stuff while sheís in a diminished capacity mode?

Donít know about the substitute situation. Hope she gets one. Hope she remembers to get one. Itíd be a pain to reschedule things again.

Have to run The Bob to the docís today. He has these sores on his temples he swears are caused by his glasses. Only thing is that his glasses donít actually touch his head where the sores are, and there are no signs of corrosion or pitting on his glasses in the vicinity of the sores either. It may be coincidental that the sores appeared at the same time he swapped glasses. Either way, we got him an appointment so we can figure out what the heck is going on. Need to rule out the possibility of melanoma too. Thatís a scary thought.

Guess thatís it for now. Cindy has apparently applied a fresh veneer to her AA efforts. The kids are upset with her because of what she claims to remember and how plans are being affected. Iím waiting for a verbal answer to a question Iíve asked 4 times now. The implied answer (Cindy getting blotto after being asked if she feels any commitment to getting sober) would seem to indicate sheís made a choice. Does this mean itís time to make exit plans? Is it too soon? For the record, A (therapist) thinks weíre (Cindy & I) through. Iím not 100% certain, but like I keep saying, times running out. And so am I. Off to the docs!!

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