Altering Habits

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Got a Date
2008-04-22, 5:23 p.m.

Day 1339

For the counter top install. April 29, we will be sitting home watching the countertops finally get put in place. That one event, completely out of my hands (and a good thing too) is the current lynch pin to the remaining kitchen based activities.

Once the counter is in, I can put in the back splash, the tiling behind the range and the sill & trim on the window over the sink. I also still need to install 4 filler strips (2 beside the microwave, 2 others on that danged east wall) and finish the walls outside the kitchen. Those require little more than mud, primer & paint. And a little of my time, which I am loathe to relinquish lately.

Tonight, elephant talk. I promise me. (like I haven’t broken any of those before) Thing is, there’s a wee bit of *ahem* unfinished business left over from this morning. This mornings’ wake up call was left, well, not dangling exactly, but because of time constraints, a certain someone never quite got to, well, you know. So there’s the promise of continuing and/or finishing this mornings agenda. I should probably dive into that discussion about the elephant sitting in the living room before we get to the (other) unfinished business on the agenda. It would no doubt be a tad tacky to go and get all hot & sweaty, then segue into the “you know what really scares me?” talk.

Although, that particular segue has an attraction all its own. Sort of a “You see what we just had? Are you afraid of losing that? I am. I am scared to death that your continued drinking will lead us right back to where we were last summer. And I really don’t care to be the guy that does that kind of thing again (referencing my own dalliances with Ms. CL).”

I think even my shrink might approve of everything but the timing. There’s also the bit about having another appointment with her tomorrow morning. I was also thinking of using my appointment time with her as a launch pad. As in:

“You asked me the other day what Annette and I talk about. You want to know what we talk about? Well, we talk about my biggest fear. My fear that your continued drinking will eventually lead us down to the same path we were on last year. I am not going to ask you if you are drinking. You are unsuccessfully sneaking drinks. That is a statement of fact. Please do not try to deny it. The deal with our reconciling was that I’d break off relations with Ms. CL and that you’d quit drinking. Or, at the VERY LEAST that you’d get your drinking under control. Sneaking drinks in while I’m not home to the point that you’re obviously drunk is in no means a form of control nor is it social drinking. We always advised our kids to not associate with people that drank too much, did drugs or behaved in an inappropriate fashion. How can I give myself any different advice? You drink, I pull back.

“I really don’t want to hear a litany of excuses. I am not here to argue about anything. I am merely communicating my FEELINGS. I fear that if you continue to sneak drinks, you will eventually slip back into the same behavior that helped fuel the situation we found ourselves in last summer. Before things degrade to that point again, I need to let you know the current situation scares me.”

Don’t know where to go from there. Except to think that maybe I should skip any thoughts of finishing up this morning’s “business” and launch right into “elephant scenario #2” ass soon as I get home. I also really need to avoid asking the question “So if you want to continue this ‘social drinking’, can I meet Ms. CL once a week for a roll in the hay?” – because nothing good will come of asking THAT question. Unless you think a fast moving shoe coming to rest someplace between ones testicles and prostate is a fun thing. I, personally, do not think that would be fun. I do think that second approach is much better though. I do need to stress that even though I feel she isn’t living up to the literal word of our agreement on reconciling, I don’t think this is any reason to throw in the towel an call it quits. This is just a bit of a reality check. An opportunity to hit the reset button, if you will.

Anyhow. Pond is open. Lilies are sprouting, the water irises are also getting moving. Water was up to 55 degrees or so. Plenty warm enough to begin feeding the fish. It’s kind of funny though – the fish seem to forget that we toss them food. They definitely notice the food pellets hitting the surface, but don’t seem to know what to do with it at first. It’s taken a couple of days, but they’re finally coming up and taking the food pretty quickly. I imaging in another week or so they’ll start to congregate whenever they see someone approach the pond, hoping for free handouts.

Did lose two fish over winter. One solid brown shibunkin – one of the only two fish ever to be, umm, hatched? in our pond. Also seem to have lost a black & gold koi. No sign of it anywhere in 3 or 4 days at least. Don’t see a dead body, don’t see a live body. Maybe it’s on the bottom all decomposed. Can’t say. Water is still too cold for me to go wading in exploring.

Pond place will be selling new fishies come the middle of May, we may well go indulge.

Zach sent me this little ditty this morning. The title?

How can you tell when an engineer is pissed at you?

Apparently Mr. Munroe was having a little spat with his phone service provider. I thought it was hilarious, but then again, I’m an engineer. You gotta be a little twisted to appreciate it.

Ugh. End of the work day now. Time to go slay elephants. Oh, joy!

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old habits - new tricks