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Dang It and Resolution
2008-10-29, 8:37 p.m.

Day 1528 Dang It
Day 1529 Resolution

When I posted that stream of un-consciousness thing Saturday, I clearly remember saying that I had an entry in the works. I also clearly remember typing the dang thing up Friday and saving it to either my temp directory on my hard drive, or my journal directory on my thumb drive. (heh – no confusing hard drive and thumb drive, is there?)

Now? Can’t find it. Hope I didn’t save it to the hard drive of the laptop at home. That would make it a little too accessible. Although, in that particular entry (as it was), I was boasting about my mad split picking skillz at bowling. For those somewhat familiar with bowling, I picked the 7 – 9 split by bouncing the 7 pin out of the pit – on purpose – and having it knock down the 9 in. To be honest – it was 90% luck and 10% being able to throw the ball hard enough to get the pins to bounce around like that. When I get old (tomorrow) it’s going to take some work for me to adjust to throwing the ball a more normal speed. But for now? It’s all “heave it like you know what you’re doing”. Velocity is your friend. Sometimes. (I really have to get video to back that up, don’t I?)

Saturday. What a mess. Cindy made it to the game, early (time for another hooch?), somehow managed to sell tickets, and made it home. In one piece, more or less. She even called just before the game started to remind me she left a saucepan of marinara on the stove simmering for dinner. I think she could tell I was thrilled to pieces to be talking to her.

If it weren’t for the fact that we still need to co-exist under one roof – hmmmm. But do we? Ugly question. But then, why am I busting my hump with the laundry room, the pond, the kitchen, getting ready for the back porch – all this work related to increasing equity in the house? (Considering the market lately, am I doing all this just to stay even right now? How sensible is it to be spending money on the house?)

I was talking with my chief head shrinker a couple of weeks ago (Annette) about my being less likely to separate because I saw it as me having to leave the house. But Annette pointed out that I didn’t necessarily have to be the one to leave. Hmmmmm. That’s a whole nasty thing I don’t want to contemplate just yet. Commence “Ostrich Mode”

Wednesday now. Just finished meeting with Annette. Also have thoughts from last night’s Al Anon meeting flitting through my head. Between Al Anon, Annette and my own sense of the rules & guidelines under which I’m operating, I’ve come to a solid plan of action regarding Cindy and her chaperoning under the influence. She maintained a state of denial Saturday insisting “I’m not drunk”, as she was wavering in the non-breeze in the kitchen, so clearly appealing to her sense of right/wrong was futile.

So. Tonight, I will not be asking questions. Instead, I will sit her down and inform her that should she head off to another chaperoning job under the influence, I will be calling the Athletic Director and suggest he assess the sobriety of his work crew. I can not abide the thought that her being there drunk might put some innocent kids safety in jeopardy. For crying our loud – she’ a hired guardian. She is expected to tell kids she suspects of drinking to leave the campus. Hot the hell can she do that if she’s drunk herself? When it comes down to it, if she were to compound things and commit an error in judgment while chaperoning drunk and some kid got hurt because of it – I’d also stand to get caught up as collateral damage in any lawsuit a pissed off parent might bring against the school & Cindy. Screw that.

The one thing that really chaps my ass about the whole thing is that it’s taken 3 days to come up with the ‘perfect’ response – and even that has been limited because of the time delay. But now - now I have a model to build other responses on. Just need to get over that whole “fear of others reactions” thing. What I need to say won’t be taken well. At all. Promises to be a quiet weekend.

Been a busy couple of days. But you know what? Bowling tomorrow!! Even a lousy night bowling beats a good day at work. Can’t wait.

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old habits - new tricks