Altering Habits

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Thanks was Given
2008-12-02, 7:03 p.m.

Day 1562

I can sum up the four day Thanksgiving Weekend with a single two letter word.


Started off with a bang. Cindy was upset about how she perceived that something was going on behind her back. She did, in fact, know that the kids & I were (are) seeing Annette for counseling. After a flurry of emails Wednesday between Cindy, Zach & I during the day Wednesday, she and Zach had a little sit down Wednesday night. Very brief. He did a remarkable job of defusing the immediate situation without giving away that we’re currently working on the home version of the A&E show “Intervention”. We see Annette again this week for what we hope will be our final prep. Our aim is to have our family meeting this weekend and get THAT whole process rolling.

After their little chat, Z left for home, and the rest of us headed to the store to do some grocery shopping. There, Eric & I snuck in some chats about what was said between Z and Cindy He was actually sitting there to witness it all and contributed (in his words) “about two words.” Best part of what was said (IMHO)? From Eric – “Have you noticed how badly you treat dad? I don’t know how he deals with it.” Heh. So it isn’t just MY perception of things.

Bowled in a tournament Thursday morning. It was an adult/junior tournament. Bowled with my brother and his sons. I ended up with the high series for our foursome. Had 654 for three games. Normally, I’d be thrilled with that, but this was a “no tap” tournament – where 9’s on your first ball count as strikes. I took good advantage of that – it’s just the shots that weren’t 9’s were ugly and difficult to spare. Weird morning- - not my normal bowling center either. Weak excuse, but I’m taking it.

Remainder of Thursday was quiet. I worked on the laundry/family room project and smoked a turkey. A quiet dinner was enjoyed by 4 of us – Cindy & I, Eric and The Bob. We busted Bob out of CMSS for what we thought was going to be a nice weekend for him. But he can’t really help with my project – he doesn’t move at that pace. All he does is sit on the couch & sleep or just pace, pace, pace. He just doesn’t have the attention span to watch even a 30 minute tv show. Setting the table? We end up with a Picasso-like arrangement of plates, glasses, silverware & placemats. Very melty face looking – no right angles, no normal associations. My guess is that that type of difficulty is from stroke damage and not runoff the mil dementia/memory loss.

Friday one of the deck dudes stopped over to get a couple of little jobs done. Listening to his life story cost me a half day of work. I could NOT escape from this guy. Everytime I thought I was getting away he had yet another deck related question to ask and that would start ANOTHER story about how he got to where he was. Good lord!! I now know that he was a county sheriff for about 2 years back in the late 70’s (when I was in the Army far, far away from here). In those 2 years, he was credited (accused?) of shooting two people – both justifiable shootings according to his story. Neither person was killed – one was shot in the knee, the other in the hand (intentionally both times (please note the eye roll!!)). Finally broke free at almost noon and started to get some shit done.

Saturday? All day – drywall/electric work. Sunday? All day – drywall/mudding work. Zach & Jill were supposed to be stopping in for dinner Sunday. Last I knew, diner was to be around 6 – 6:30. I was looking forward to the visit. Finally, about 5:30, with my arms just about dead from all the overhead work, I called it a day. Cleaned up the work area & my tools then headed upstairs for a much deserved (and needed) shower.

Clean, a little more rested and definitely hungry, I headed back downstairs to wait for the kiddies to show up. Finally, at nearly 7, I dared to ask if the kids were on their way. Turns out they weren’t. Cindy called them at 4, asked them to not come for dinner. Huh?!? I asked why. “I just can’t deal with it all right now”. Deal with what? Sure, we got a call that her uncle died that morning. Sure, she and Zach had a little ‘talk” last Wednesday evening. Sure, she’d been acting like a prick all weekend, especially after Eric left for Syracuse (his escape). But can’t deal with it all? Puhleeze. Personally, I think she’s just manipulating the situation, trying to get a rise out of me.

Here we are now at Tuesday. After doing some research on tickets, hotels, rental cars and the like, Cindy is headed to her uncles funeral down in Delaware. Driving alone and planning on staying at her cousins house for a couple of days. Driving for 6 hours instead of flying from Rochester to Philly via Atlanta and spending 7+ hours in airports and spending $500 round trip for the privilege. The return trip? From Philly to Rochester via Orlando. Orlando, Florida. Last time I looked neither Atlanta nor Orlando were on a straight line between Rochester & Philadelphia. Things like Virginia and the Carolina’s keep getting in the way. Oh. Georgia and Maryland kind of interfere too. Could have gotten a direct flight from Roch. To Philly on USAirways. $800 and about 1:20 flight time. Or, for $300 less you can tour the entire east coast, spend 4 hours in the air and 7 or 8 hours total in transit. No wonder the airlines aren’t making any money. It’s pretty sad when a 6 – 7 hour car ride can’t be beat by a quickie plane trip.

In the mean time – what am I going to do with my new found freedom? (That’s a rhetorical question folks) Here’s the plan. Tonight – post this, chat with Eric, heat up some leftovers for dinner, go to my Al Anon meeting. Wednesday – spin class @ 5:30am, work, meeting with Annette & the boys @ 5pm, dinner with the kidlets afterwards. Thursday – work, bowl, home for dinner. The only possible break in the action would be Wednesday afternoon should I happen to “get sick” and want to go hunting or something. I did get my buck a couple of weeks ago, but I still have a permit to get a doe. Just have to hunt in the management units where my doe permits are valid.

Think I’ll leave it at that. Things are in turmoil, getting all shifty. Stuff will settle where it’s supposed to. Problem is – am I willing to accept where it lands?

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old habits - new tricks