Best laid plans Ė
2008-12-10, 9:52 p.m.
Bob being in the hospital is messing with my intervention plans. Also Ė I think Cindy has some sort of ESP abut the whole thing.
You may have guessed that the Tuesday night clan gathering did not happen. That would be a good guess. However. I have a commitment from Cindy that weíll be giving it a go tonight. Sheís aware that I want to sit down and talk Ė boys included. Sheís worried that itís going to take hours & hours, but I assured her that what I needed to say would only take 2 -3 minutes and sheíd be free to go to her meeting afterwards (and maybe actually start working a step or two)
So thanks for all the positive thoughts & vibes, Iím gonna take them along with me into our little discussion tonight. Also had a session with Annette today that was originally supposed to be a (debriefing, post-mortem, denoument?) on the whole mini-intervention event. Instead, it turned into a bit of a booster shot that reinforced some of what we covered last week. Certainly not a bad thing at all.
Kept the kids up to speed in our negotiating process just so they get a flavor for what weíre running into tonight. The defensiveness started waaaaayyyy early in the process. Cindy can, of course, figure out whatís coming. Itís just that tonight she has opportunities to dodge the whole thing still.
She wants to go to the gym after work. Super. I support that 110%. She may want to go see The Bob at the hospital if he isnít released today. I support THAT 110%. But. Bob may be released from the hospital today and the gymís cardio gear is off line till Friday. Cut down on any delay options she might try to exercise. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing whatís going on till she gets home, or not.
Tick tock, tick tock
That sucked on a whole different level than I thought it would. I got home 5:30ish, not an unusual time. Got dinner heating (left over stew or left over Cincinnati Chili (ask if youíre curious)) and emptied the dishwasher. Went over my notes. Zach arrived, we chatted about little nothings, then strayed back into strategies. Gave Eric a little extra pat on the back. He has a good deal of inner strength and expresses his thoughts well, I thought we might need him to be prepared to keep us all on track. We were expecting a good deal of flak, defensiveness, diversionary tactics and counter attacks.
Cindy got home, 10 or 15 minutes before the appointed time , took her time getting ďun-workedĒ. Eventually settled in at the kitchen table. Sweet, no need to ask her to come sit. So we (the 3 pony riders of the apocalypse) went in and sat. Zach made a little introductory remark, I asked Cindy if she was willing to listen for a few minutes and we dove in. We all read our prepared statements. I got through my 2 pager (Iím wordy, can you tell?) Zach & Eric each read their own notes. We each ran across some spots where it was tough to continue, but everybody did a good job and soldiered on. I wasnít watching the clock, but I think we wrapped it up in about 8 minutes. Cindy never opened her mouth. Iím not sure she even looked at any of us. Iím also not sure how much she actually listened.
When we were done we sat there rather expectantly, waiting for some type of response. The only one we got was when Cindy got up and went to the powder room and disappeared for a few minutes. Wasnít a whole lot of noise coming from in there. Heard kind of a honk at one point Ė like a nose being blown. Eventually Cindy came out, sorted through the paper & mail and took a bunch out to the recycling bin in the garage and I guess stayed out for a smoke.
I know for a fact she didnít pee. She was wearing black slacks and her butt was covered in a lovely white dust. Wonder where that came from? Told her about it, she took a token swipe, but didnít do the toilet lid sized splotch an iota of justice.
Finally broke down and asked her if she had anything to say. Her response? ďNo, you asked me to not talkĒ. Typical. In a level, calm voice I replied ďNo, we asked you to listen. You did. Now weíll listen to you.Ē
She went out to the living room and folded a load of laundry. After that, she took off to her AA meeting. Something I urged her to keep attending and actually start working the program in my little missive.
Hmmm. She just got back. Time for a break I think.
Oohhhhhh,, the silent treatment has only just begun. 30 minutes, 2 slices of toast, 1 laundry basket, no words.
Itís kinda like when I had that little hole in my leg. In order to keep a scab from forming and hindering the healing process, that little hockey puck sized divot had to be packed with saline soaked gauze. But thatís not what kept the scab from forming. What kept that nasty sap from appearing was pulling the gauze out of the divot the next day. After it had dried out & stuck to what ever tissue was underneath. As you pulled it out (and the nurses made the patient do it), the gauze took the nascent scab with it. It hurt like hell, and I was always glad it was over. Even with a healthy dose of Vicodin to take the edge off.
Thatís what doing this little meeting was like. You know itís coming, you know itís gonna suck, and thereís a marked sense of relief when itís over. That time. But itís going to come again, and Vicodin isnít prescribed for this.
I imagine itíll take a few days for this to sink in. By this weekend, maybe Sunday, some discussion will start. What I hope she comes to realize is that we did this because we care. Had we not cared, we would have let her sink to what ever level she wanted to drop to. This was her wake up call. Hope she doesnít hit the snooze button.
ps Ė The Bob is out of the hospital again and back in residence at Club Med for the Septuagenarian Set (CMSS). Seems that maybe the docs have found a good combo for his meds. Keeps him from getting all anxious and panicky but allows a healthy dose of alertness. Iím glad itís working, so far.
pps - you almost got a copy of a work document I was using as camouflage. You think this entry was boring . . . ever read a technical document that details the process for powering up and programming an embedded processor circuit board for the first time? Whoa.
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