Fibber McGee
2006-07-27, 3:02 p.m.

Day 704a Fibber McGee, Hey That�s Me!

There�s another entry from today back there. Something to do with being found by a search looking for �wean off Lipitor�. Ended up doing a 1 page review of my own work to get off Lipitor.

Anyhow, entry �Day 704a� is more for my own record keeping. A way to keep me accountable to at least myself and to Cindy too, although she has no idea I�m doing this. Well, this, right now, and this whole diary thing (gee, ya think?).

The point I�m sidestepping is this: I lied to Cindy this morning. Just a wee bit � but a lie just the same. It was about what I�m doing tonight that�s going to make me late getting home. Told her I was behind on a project and I wanted to spend some time catching up before we headed to New Jersey as I have a deliverable due right after we return. Now, on the face of it, everything there is true. I am behind, I do WANT to spend time at work catching up, I do have deliverables due both right before and right after our trip. Truth is, you and I all know I�m going to my weekly Al Anon meeting. She doesn�t.

She doesn�t know because I haven�t told her. I haven�t told her because when she�s sober, I chicken out and when she�s not sober, there�s no point in telling her. Lately, it�s been more because of her not being sober. Saves me from being a chicken.

So, what have we learned from the hours & hours spent at Al Anon meetings so far? Apparently not much. But what should we be practicing?

Well, I got step 1 � I�m powerless over alcohol. Bruddah, I got that one.

Steps 2 & 3, ehh � gotta work on those two some, but I�ll probably never fully accept them.

Step 4 � the part about the fearless moral inventory of ourselves. I appear to maybe be making tiny steps in the right direction there, at least for the moment.

The next biggies are steps 8 & 9 � make a list of people we harmed, then make amends.

Looks like I�ve started a list. I guess I don�t have to finish the list before I start making amends. Could be more of a �living document� kinda deal.

The making amends part. Here, we get back to: A � waiting for that sober moment (patience, patience), B � seizing that moment, and C � figuring out how the hell to do A & B. Well, how to do B anyhow. I can wait (ie: procrastinate) with the best of them. It�s that whole carpe diem thing I need to work on.

That leads me back to steps 5, 6 & 7 which amount to admitting my shortcomings to both another human being and my �higher power�, preparing to have my higher power remove these defects of character, then humbly asking that higher power to actually remove my shortcomings.

Now, I�m sure all you folks who stumble in here and read are in fact real, live, human beings. I�m especially sure about those I�ve met (Hi Serena), exchanged long, expressive emails with (a big hello to Alison and Pam) and even those to whom I owe some ab cruncher motivational tools (hey there Sport!). However, I think my good books are figuring I should admit all my shortcomings to a real live, IN THE FLESH human beings. That means one of two things. I either sit Cindy down and admit all this stuff to her (believe me, she could supply me with a list of shortcomings if I missed any), or I get a sponsor. Both ideas have merit. One has a bit more risk involved (guess which one).

I don�t know how the whole sponsor thingy works. I don�t know if there�s a certain amount of time one must attend, or if there�s a certain �state� one must attain before attempting to line up a sponsor. I�m not even sure just what a sponsor is supposed to do for you, except help you learn (practice, work?) the steps really.

To Do:

1.) Learn about sponsors (tonight might be good!).
2.) Fess up to Cindy.
A) That little talk I�ve been meaning to have.
B) What Thursday evenings are REALLY for.
3.) Continue with steps 4 � 9, even if it�s little bits here and there.

Guess that�s the plan. Did finally break my vow of silence at the Al Anon meetings last week. Starting to gain some measure of security there. If I get there early tonight (minor miracles must occur), I might even ask some of the more regular regulars about how the sponsor deal works and who might make a good sponsor, or who might even have the bandwidth to take on another sponsee (is that a made up word? There�s donor and donee, right? But msw0rd apparently dislikes both ee words. Hmmm)

All tangents aside (get it � tangent/aside??, keep up people) I�m back to where I was a few days ago. Time to cowboy up and get the dirty work done.

Where�s Mike Rowe when you need him??

Updated stats:

I updated the stats earlier. Let it suffice to say that I got machine #10 this morning (my favorite) and I gave it a thorough pounding. Got sweat almost down to the hem of my last XL work out T shirt (that�s a lot of cotton). Sucker weighed nearly a pound when I was done. Also torched 600+ calories in 35 minutes. Know what that means? I get fat free ice cream tonight as a treat!! All 130 calories per � cup. Yee haw!

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