Date Night Report and More
2007-10-31, 1:24 p.m.
Day 1164, 1165
Happy Hollow Weenie!!
(But really, aren't they all kind of hollow?)
Man, talk about busy. I was going to say lazy, but really, I just havenít had the bandwidth to do a decent update the last few days. Whatís going to follow is 2 or 3 days worth of tidbits.
Iíll get to the date night stuff eventually. First I need to complain about the weather. Specifically, itís the temperature we experienced Monday morning thatís got my briefs in a bunch. (Yes, briefs, but NOT tighty whiteys. Thank you)
People Ė we had frost Monday morning. Yes, I know, this is the tundra known as upstate NY. Frost in the mornings around here is the expected norm better than 5 months of the year. But please!! On a Monday, when Iím running late for spin class, had to also stop and run the damn trash out to the curb because I forgot it Sunday night (had Ďotherí things to attend to) Ė I didnít really need to take the extra 2 minutes to scrape my flippin windows. So I didnít. Little washer fluid on the windshield, set the defroster to sear, crank the windows down and scoot. Made it to spin class only 5 minutes late. And that included pushing the limit on the one traffic light I have to stop at. (I need to make a left turn when exiting the expressway. When the light for traffic coming from my left goes red, and thereís no traffic visible from the right, I go. Like thereís a ton of traffic out there at 5:25am. Saves me AT LEAST 30 seconds. Huge. Absolutely huge I say)
So spin class. Sat on a new bike because some guy just doesnít want to respect my need for space and keeps sitting on the bike right next to my favorite one. 36 bikes, 15 or so people, heís got to sit right next to me? Every day? So I moved back a row. Donít like that bike. Technically, itís the same as the other one (make, model, etc.), but the handlebars are loose. Tightening up the height adjuster thing doesnít fix it, itís how the handle bars are attached to the vertical support thatís whacked. All of two Allen headed screws. Iím thinking Iíll take a couple in with me tomorrow morning and tighten it up. Make my best guess at a size and go from there.
The good news about that bike? Itís situated better under the fans and I think I ran a few degrees cooler. Certainly didnít sweat as much. If that bike isnít occupied tomorrow, Iíll fix it and test out the heat deal again. Provided I get in early enough.
Date night. As requested by our therapist Annette. We have 3 weeks till our next appointment. We are to go out at least once each week with the sole purpose of spending time with each other, talking about real things between us. No mention of work, kids, or parents allowed. Through the luck of the draw, I got to pick the first weeks date activity. Annette said to not over think things Ė keep it simple and not get too extravagant.
What did we do? Went and saw the latest Harry Potter movie at the local dollar theater. Well, it was actually $1.75 each, but still an inexpensive start. From the theater we went down the road a piece to Carrabbaís for dinner, then wrapped up the evening with a trip to Christopher Banks to do a little clothes shopping for Cindy. She was hurting for tops. Sheís dropped a few pounds of late and most of her clothes fit pretty poorly. She keeps complaining about it, I keep telling her to go shopping, she never goes. I think she likes to complain about her lack of clothes that fit. By taking her to the store, I accomplished three things. A Ė she now has tops that fit, B Ė she ought to quit complaining about her lack of clothes for a bit (a week, max) and C Ė I now have a few ideas for Christmas AND I know what sizes to look for.
I R no idgit. Much.
This week is Cindyís choice for date night. Sheís searching for things to do. Iím thinking weíll be going leaf peeping if the weather is decent. Maybe have a picnic lunch or dinner too? If she plans something else, maybe Iíll swipe the leaf peeping idea. I was thinking of going to the museum and checking out that
human body exhibit but didnít realize it was $20 a pop. That kinda blows the whole cheap date idea. Still Ė Iíd love to see something like that, and one of the ideas behind this date thing was to pick something each of us would like to do (with little regard for the other) and have the other share the experience.
Theoretically, I could also have Cindy to join me for a Saturday morning spin class followed up with a trip to a juice bar and call that our Ďdateí. I probably should, just to let her see what kind of workout spinning is. But who does dates at 7:15 on a Saturday morning? Unless itís golf, fishing or hunting with the guys?
Ok Ė advancing now to Wednesday morning. Al Anon meeting last night. Peachy. Had a new guy show up at this one. First guy other than me at this meeting in almost a year. This could work out very nice. Itíll be good to hear another voice lower than an alto chime in every now and again. (Iím a baritone myself. Just canít quite drop down to that full bass range, although at times I tend to sorta rumble in the lower end when I talk.)
Spin class this morning was fine. Forgot (of course) my Allen wrenches so I couldníf fix that one bike. It was open, but was sandwiched between a couple of gals and I didnít want to wedge myself in there. Gets awkward in warm ups and cool downs when you do the arm swingy things Ė you have to watch out for your neighbors. Besides, my regular bike was open and un-crowded, so I hopped on that. Although prior to me, some very short person with tiny feet was on it and I had to make the requisite adjustments. Itís horrible the things one has to put up with, but we do what we must to survive, right?
Been chatting with Ms. CL lately. She had a court appointment Monday to determine her visitation rights with her daughters. Iím thinking things didnít go exactly as she planned because now sheís decided to return home. She detests her husband, but is getting tired of trying to go it alone. Sheís stuck paying rent, is still covering utility bills at her family home to help out, is buying her daughters things they need, going to night school and is just stretched kind of thin. Plus Ė sheís alone a large part of the time, except for times I visited or we were otherwise together. With the holidays coming, the isolation would have been unbearable. Frankly, Iíd been worried about how she would spend Thanksgiving and Christmas days.
Yeah, I know. We were supposed to have broken things off. Well, we did. Mostly. Itís just tough to completely let go of a relationship that, as brief as it was (3 months) was as intense as it was. We both got a little more invested than we had anticipated and quite frankly, were within 5 minutes of making it official.
So sheís heading back home to the next county over, 25 or so miles away Ė thatís like forever around here. Heck, itís a different area code even. Fortunately (or not) she still works downtown Ė all of 10 minutes away. This leaves us the opportunity for the occasional lunch, after work rendezvous at Panera, maybe an afternoon movie matinee. But, (BIG but), weíre headed back to platonic land. With pressure on both sides, maybe weíll be a little more successful at keeping it that way.
I can hear the complaints now:
Ė Given your history, howíre you gonna stay platonic?
- Time spent with another woman away from your primary relationship is still an affair.
- Even your therapist is telling you to stop
- Stopping seeing Ms CL is a condition of Cindy continuing to work on our own relationship
I have no answers, will make no excuses. Ms CL is going back under horrible conditions. Her husband is demanding control of everything. Money, including her paycheck, phones, computer use Ė he doesnít like her working in the city and heíd rather she didnít go to the gym. Heís a paranoid control freak with an 8th grade education that canít even stand his wife to look nice because someone else might find her attractive. Maybe itís the sucker in me, but Iíd just like to offer her a bit of sanity - someone to talk with rationally every now and again. I realize a whole lot of bad can come of this. It is what it is.
Speaking of a whole lot of potential bad schtupf Ė made something called Black Bean Sausage Chili for dinner tonight. Uses a home made sausage. We use ground pork, ground turkey, a handful of spices, some cooking sherry and a half cup or so of red wine. Mix it all together and let it marinate in itís own juices for a day or so in the fridge before cooking.
Well. Cindy went and picked up the ingredients we needed for this chili. Knowing that we needed a Ĺ cup of red wine, she bought an entire 2 liter box of Gallo Merlot. Yeah Ė only the really good shit comes in a box. So Ė we needed 4 or so ounces for the chili. The other 63.6 (liter = 33.8 oz.) is sitting in itís box, out in the garage. The very same garage to which Cindy is banished for her smoking needs. Now, I happen to like Merlot. I wouldnít mind having a glass every now & then. But I will not touch that box of juice. If it disappears, I want to be sure where it went.
Iíve told Cindy I can tolerate a slip or three. But a return to full scale binging is going to be trouble. The East Wing can be re-opened for her use if need be. Itís bad enough I have to try and kiss her ashtray smelling mouth, if she starts adding booze to the bouquet again, sheís outta there. But Iím not hanging my expectations on anything. Much.
Ms CL is hoping our respective spouses implode again at about the same time. I wouldnít wish that on anyone, but if it were to happen, it wouldnít be a complete disaster, ya know?
Thatís all I got Ė paddling fast just to get no where. Fun, ainít it?
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