Altering Habits

Sponsor My Ride!!

Scotty's Place





Film at 11
2006-10-09, 9:17 a.m.

Day 778 Film at 11

Wanted to get this posted yesterday (Day 777 Ė such a cool number) but events conspired against me. Plus, my butt was so sore from bike riding, it was hard to sit in the chair in front of the computer and type.

Fecal debris may have a big date with the rotating blades. Itís exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Seems my little bike ride Sunday (round tripper to Churchville, NY, 22.03 miles, 79 minutes, nice rolling hills) caused a bit of a stink.

That, or it was the usual 2 hour Saturday morning sweat fest followed by a less usual 4 hours at work. A certain someone was all ďdo you have any idea where your father isĒ to poor, unsuspecting son #2. Eric suggested she call my cell phone. She couldnít be bothered. Good thing I didnít spring surprise tickets to a play on her yesterday afternoon. By the time I got home at 1:30 she was 3 sheets. Spent the afternoon & evening sleeping it off.

I did a bad thing too. I could tell just by looking at her when I got home Saturday that she was schnockered. She started in on me about not letting her know where I was, yada, yada, yada. That was a cheap passive aggressive manipulation on my part, wholly avoidable. Except that Cindy has been extremely uncommunicative with me for the last 2 weeks or so. Thatís where the passive aggressive thing comes in Ė giving her a little of her own medicine. That was bad enough, but the really bad thing was my reply to her haranguing Ė ďWhy, whatíd I miss, your first 4 drinks?Ē Sarcasm & passive aggressive all at once. Is that sarcasmagressive? That one line started a mini ice-age. Cindy didnít say a word to me the rest of the day. Of course, she was unconscious for most of the next 10 hours, and alert for non of them. Would have been like arguing with a 2 year old. About as productive too.

Spent the entire day Sunday with an elephant in the room. In the house. ON the house. Palpable tension. We talk in little fits & starts. I try to get her to see what sheís doing/done, but her denial is strong. At the same time, I am trying hard to avoid making it be her fault. But she has a knack for assuming guilt for anything Ė whether itís her fault or not. Between her thinking everything is her fault anyhow and my struggling to find the right way to communicate how I feel without placing blame, itís going to take a while to work through this. Also trying very hard to not totally blow my top. Thatís when the really focused, cut to the bone comments fly, and I donít want to go there. Have to keep reminding myself Ė itís not her fault, she has a disease. The disease makes her want to drink. I just have to stay clear and let her figure out if/when she wants to stop.

Before I go too far, I want to talk to someone at the Al Anon meeting tomorrow night. She had a good suggestion for how to approach the position weíre in now. I still (STILL) need to tell Cindy Iím going to Al Anon. I will soon run out of convenient timing gaps and will have to leave for a meeting while sheís home. My Al Anon friend had an approach for ďthe talkĒ that shifted the blame to me. It somehow made it out that the problem wasnít Cindyís drinking, but the way I was dealing with it. For the life of me, I canít remember how on earth it was phrased.

Should there be a burning desire on Cindyís part to air things out tonight, I will gladly engage in the discussion. However, Iíd rather wait until I have a chance to review that nifty little approach angle again. Hmmm, perhaps this person also has some sponsor potential.

Anyhow. Nice workout Saturday. Might have to change up aerobics a bit. Used to be a struggle to complete an hour. Then, an hour was a comfortable workout. Now, I finish aerobics and seriously consider hopping on a treadmill and running for 30 minutes. As it is, I go over and hit up the Nautilus gear and do an hour of lifting. But I still feel fresh enough to run for a bit. Thinking it might be time to be a big boy and raise the step to the top level. That will hopefully put the sweat back into step aerobics.

Mowed the lawn Sunday, forgot to engage the self-propelled thingy when I did the back yard, so it was a wee bit more work than usual. Bike ride Sunday was gorgeous. Perfect temps (maybe 70?) very slight breeze, crisp, clear air. Did a nice trip out to Churchville & back, covered 22 miles in an hour and nineteen minutes. Been a while since I rode, so my butt muscles are still complaining a bit. Made it rather hard to sit last night too, especially on hard chairs. Did some nice glute stretches last night, helped a bit. At least I can sit today.

No workout this morning Ė see the note about tender glutes above. Plus I need someone to see that I donít exercise EVERY day. (Cripes, Iím paying for a freakin FAMILY membership at the Y, SOMEONE has to use it.)

Went in to work Saturday because I have a major S/W drop due today and I needed to gain a little ground. Now I spend my time doing this. Super. Better go be productive. Also need to figure out how to say ďitís not your drinking thatís the problem, itís how Iím handling it that isĒ and make it sound sincere. Damnit Pat, wonder if I can give you a buzz tonight?

Updated stats:

Weight start: 206.5 on 1/1/06 (265.0 on 1/15/05)
Current weight: 185 on 10/7/06
Next weigh in: 10/14/06

New target Ė Aim is 180, by Halloween. Getting tougher all the time

The Keep on Truckin goal: (idea stolen shamelessly from Marnís Big Adventure)
Miles at speed 10/4/06: 795.02 (on target so far)
Miles with cool down: 868.56
Target for 2006: 1000 miles
Plus 183 miles biking so far. (183.03 for you choosy mothers)

If you use a pop-up blocker, hit "Ctrl" when you click to leave a comment


old habits - new tricks