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It’s All in the Details
2007-11-07, 2:45 p.m.

Day 1172

Well, yesterday was a bit of a rush. Both the day and the post I left behind. NaBloPoMo ya know.

The detailed version of the day isn’t much different. I left out the part where I arrived at Bob’s “Senior Living Facility” (SLF?) 15 minutes ahead of the scheduled appointment time with the sole intention of intercepting the doctor and making him more keenly aware of Bob’s mental situation. It should also be noted that I am NEVER early to anything, so arriving there a whole 15 minutes ahead of time just tipped my apple cart.

As I arrived, I scanned the parking lot looking for Cindy’s car or Wayne’s truck. Nothing. Being that early, I didn’t fret too much, but I gave Cindy a call to confirm that she was at least on her way. She didn’t answer her cell, but that was no surprise. Quite often she keeps her cell in her purse and that isn’t always handy when she’s driving. I didn’t really sweat it too much.

After she still hadn’t showed up by 5 minutes ahead of the appointment (she’s NEVER late to anything – we get along SO well) I tried her cell again. Same result. Now the Dr. comes cruising in. I let him get to the front desk, check his list of patients to visit. I’m relieved to see that he’s got Bob first on the list. After the front desk gal confirms that, yes, this is Dr. K, I introduce myself and ask for a few minutes of his time. I go over Bob’s situation, mentioning the paranoia, anxiety, anger, and acting out. Doreen, the front desk gal, helps to fill in any of the gaps in my storyline. Armed with the new info, Dr. K heads up to Bob’s room to conduct his visit.

Me? Well, it’s now something like 10:05 – and Cindy is a whole 5 minutes late. Very odd. So I call her cell again and leave a message. In the “instead of trying harder, try different” department, I also called her work number, thinking that I’d get one of the other front office gals at the school. Oops. Had to leave a voicemail there too.

10:10 – try again. Cell? – Nada. Work? – Nada. Leave messages. Starting to worry because I know the drive time from Cindy’s work to where I am. We used to live in the village she’s working in and I used to work a mile from where Bob now lives. From the time of my first call to then was 5 minutes over the drive time. The trip is on mostly expressway.

10:15 – try again. Cell? – Nada. Work phone? I get a very contrite Cindy. She got the messages I’d left on her voicemail. Seems that on Monday, when she was making all the arrangements she told Wayne and I that the appointment was tomorrow (Tuesday) but on her planning calendar she scribbled it in for Wednesday. She even went so far as to arrange to take a half day to make sure she cleared the time. On the wrong day. Oops. Wayne never did make it, but he’s like the only telephone support guy in the entire, very large, hospital he works in, so that’s understandable.

After clearing things up with Cindy, I headed to Bob’s apartment and had a chat with he and his doc. Dr. K is upping his Aricept from 5 to 10mg. Whoopee. Best that can do is slow down the memory decline. Bob needs something for his anxiety & paranoia. Pronto.

Enter Doreen and the SLF’s in-house social worker. Very cool. Doreen had just hended me her card when she popped out of the elevator. Doreen did the intros for us and off we went. We’re getting hooked up with a psychiatrist who will probably, hopefully, subject Bob to CAT scans of his head and get some other testing done to determine his true mental state. Look for lesions, signs of mini strokes, tumors, general atrophy, etc. The social worker (Carol) was stunned that Bob wasn’t already on anti-psychotics.m She’s helped talk him ‘down off the ledge” a few times already, so she’s fully aware of his condition. She’s very optimistic (down right sure) that getting Bob on haldol or risperdol will help calm his paranoia and anxiety. I really hope she’s right.

Today I have to do the leg work of getting the referral for the psych consult. That’ll get that whole mess started and it will also show the SLF that we’re serious about getting Bob’s issue’s settled. He hasn’t physically harmed or attacked anyone, but he does get all wound up and lash out verbally. Of course, a few hours later he has no idea what happened. Or at least he’s in denial about it all. Probably a little of both.

Spinning was quite invigorating this morning. After warming up a bit we headed straight to sprints. Long sprints. Those are dangerous when you’re just starting and feel like you have tons of energy. Sorta set the tone for the whole session. Felt like I was going like a banshee the whole hour. Almost got my t-shirt drenched down to the bottom hem. Had about an inch to go. And the studio was cold when we started! Finally starting to see some improvement in my legs too. Other people have been mentioning for a while that my legs are changing, but it’s hard to notice from the inside. Lately though some pants and shorts legs are starting to fit a little tighter. I hope that’s a good sign. I’d love for that to translate into better speed come next years outdoor cycling season.

Yes, I said next year. We’ve had flurries in the air the last couple of days. Southwest of us, off of Lake Erie, some towns were reporting 6 –7“ of snow overnight. Over this weekend I sorta gave in and put my bike back in the shed and got the snowblower out. I am grudgingly ready for another season of clearing the driveway at oh dark thirty, just so I can get to the gym and work. I just hope the snow plows come around early enough so I can get the crap they leave at the end of the driveway in my first pass.

Sad part is that here we are talking about snow and the three giant Maple trees in my back yard are just now considering turning color. The ash in front is nude already, the sugar maple in front is ½ dropped, but the silver and Norway maples in back are holding out. Again.

Cindy has developed this annoying habit of leaving a bowl of M&M’s out in the living room. I’ve developed this annoying habit of eating them all. She says I need to develop some self control. I say I need temptation to be kept the hell away from me. I’ve gone so far as to ask her to stop buying that crap. She says she likes to have it around for when the kids are here. Think is, none of the kids really want it either. We’re all in this trying to eat healthy mode and M&M’s just don’t fit. So what has she done? She’ll fill the bowl, then hide the 58lb bag she’s supplying it from. (Ok, so it’s only like a 2 lb bag, I exaggerated a wee bit). Took me all of 2 days to find the first hiding place. Well, it took me 2 days to start looking. I found it in the first place I looked. It was one of her old hooch hiding spots. After she saw me refill the bowl one time, she figured she needed a new hiding place. Bright girl, no?

So this new place. This one took me 2 days of looking to find. But I found it. And drained the bag without refilling the bowl. That’s bad enough, but during the search I came across some more disturbing stuff.

The first thing was a little bootlegger bottle of whiskey. Empty. Hidden in one of the upper drawers of a hutch, still wrapped in the bag from the store. I left it there, mostly untouched. Had no idea how old the bottle was. May have been from last Thursday’s little slip, maybe not. Personally, I think that much whiskey in one session would have resulted in her being drunker than I saw her. I’m thinking she finished it in multiple sessions.

Second thing I found (not while searching for M&M’s) was ginger ale bottles in the recycle bin in the garage. I wasn’t sure how many were in there to start – 2 or 3. But I saw 5 in there one night last week. Bad sign.

Third thing I found (back to M&M mode) was a partially full ginger ale bottle in another hutch in the dining room. Then last night, when I got home from work, I noticed Cindy drinking out of a large-ish, black travel mug, normally one she uses for coffee. This in itself is not unusual, but the coffee maker was neither on nor warm. At one point, she had headed out to the garage for a smoke and I was jonesing for some M&M’s. Started looking around. Bumped into ANOTHER ginger ale bottle, standing along side his now empty brethren. Shit, shit, shit.

Haven’t brought any of this up with her yet. It occurred to me that I could have shared this at my meeting last night and maybe gotten a little insight on how to handle this. But we were swamped, (swamped I say) with new folks (2 and a nurse/visitor) and the meeting kinda focused on getting them introduced and answering their questions. (No, you’re not here to fix the alcoholic, you’re here to fix you. Surprisingly, they knew that coming in. Cool.)

Luckily, I have a visit with Annette tomorrow for my bi-weekly head shrinking. I will definitely run this by her and throw in my own thoughts on how to handle it. I’m thinking she’ll help steer me toward the best course of action. It’s not like Cindy has been falling down drunk, but she was pretty buzzed last Thursday. Now, I accidentally run into evidence she’s still drinking, and trying to hide it, which is contrary to my stated conditions for continuing to work out our marriage difficulties. I had thought things had been going along pretty well there, and maybe they still are, but this sneaking drinks is irritating to say the least. It’s not at deal breaker proportions yet, but it IS being less than honest about things.

I fessed up about Ms CL contacting me to say she was going to try going back with her husband, which is also contrary to Cindy’s stated conditions for reconciling, but at least I admitted it. If Cindy resumes drinking, do I get to resume my relationship with Ms CL? Pretty shitty rationalization, isn’t it? Guess I answered my own question.

Where is the border between forgiving a few benign slips and being played for a fool? It is a very muddy, very gray area. Wonder what mom would think?

Therapy AND bowling tomorrow. I can't wait.



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old habits - new tricks